News & Politics

Tree Huggers Surround White House, No Unarmed Protesters Shot This Time

AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin

Lentil-Weavers Unite

Roughly 500 Eco-Nazis blocked all entrances to the White House yesterday, demanding that Whispering Joe include a “Civilian Climate Corps” addendum in his trillion-dollar infrastructure bill and support the Green New Deal.

A group calling themselves “Sunrise Movement” created what some people might deem an insurrection. Fortunately, none were wearing MAGA hats so no unarmed protestors were shot by mystery guards. Dozens were supposedly arrested.

New York’s uber-progressive Rep. Jamaal Bowman just couldn’t pass up a chance to do some race-baiting, and graciously dropped an “F” bomb to let us know he means it.

“They occupy our streets. They mass incarcerate us, but they leave us food insecure, in transportation deserts, and our buildings and schools falling apart. F— that!” Bowman said at the event while speaking about the history of discrimination against black people.  “We’ve got to go big, and take it to another level. And this is our moment. This is the moment.”

Lefty critics of the $1 trillion infrastructure deal believe the plan does nothing for “climate change,” an accusation Press Secretary Jen Psaki pushed back on, saying: “I would dispute the notion that it doesn’t do anything for climate change.”

Sunrise Movement is allegedly funded by Comrade George Soros. They blocked all 10 entrances to the White House and bellowed their demands. No reports of tear gas, pepper spray, firearms, or batons being used on the potential green panther insurrectionists.

Related: Yes, George Soros Sent Money to Fund the Riots—and So Did Taxpayers

Washington’s Narcissism Posterchild, AOC, had to pipe in as well:

“What we are here to tell them is that you can’t break this promise to us anymore,” Ocasio-Cortez said. “They’re setting up a world that they won’t have to live in. Okay, that’s why this matters. That’s why we fight.”

“As a result of your hard work, we’ve got folks in the Senate, we’ve got folks in the House, not just me, not just like they like to say is a tiny group of the ‘Squad,’ we have a critical mass of people saying no climate, no deal.”  Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez