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Wave of Campus Race Hysteria Hits DePauw University

Things sure have changed on college campuses since I was a student. Back when I was a youngster, the craziest thing we ever did was take Pa's Model T down to the malt shop and see how many of us could fit into the phone booth while shouting, "This is the bee's knees! 23 skidoo!" But the young people of today have found a much better way to pass the time: Screaming about systemic racism and making ludicrous demands because somebody left graffiti in a public restroom.

Big news from my home state of Indiana. Matt McKinney, WRTV in Indianapolis:

A hateful message was written in a bathroom on DePauw University this week.

The message, which read, "All ******* must die -KKK," was found at the Inn at DePauw, a public building on campus...

"As a black man, I feel unsafe," said Kaleb Anderson, a DePauw student and the President of the Association of African American Students at the university.

As a speaker of English, I feel confused. Somebody wrote something stupid on a bathroom stall, and you feel... unsafe?

But that's the message now. Witness these displays of #wokeness at DePauw last week:

Well, nobody ever got anywhere by chanting, "WE MAY OR MAY NOT BE SAFE, BUT YELLING IS FUN!!!"

I don't mean to question or dismiss the intersectional lived experience of these brave students, but... Look. If you're able to organize a crowd to yell and scream at college administrators in public, and the only possible consequence you'll ever face is that your targets might not capitulate to your whims as quickly and abjectly as you'd like, you seem pretty safe.

And capitulate they will. DePauw is scrambling to do whatever these students demand, and it still won't be enough. Nothing is ever enough.

These students even interrupted a talk at DePauw by actress Jenna Fischer (The Office), who has absolutely nothing to do with any of this, and she felt the need to beg for their forgiveness:

Hey, it's her money. If that's what it takes to keep the screaming mob off her back, I suppose she's doing what she needs to do.

In addition to the horrific hate crime committed by the DePauw restroom graffiti artist, who is still at large, other recent "bias incidents" at the university include "the n-word formed by rocks in the nature park" and a white student with purple glitter on her face. I feel like we're really lowering the bar on what constitutes a danger to the public here.