Sorry, America: Michelle Obama Says 'Zero Chance' She'll Run for President

It's racist to say that Michelle Obama is sour and unlikable, so I won't say that. For the sake of argument, let's say you've never been mystified by Michelle's popularity. Maybe you thought she was more elegant and personable than our current first lady. Maybe you never bristled when she scolded you to eat your vegetables, in-between her own trips to Shake Shack. If so, then you'll be saddened by the following item of "news." My condolences in advance.

The bad news is courtesy of teen journo Hilde Lysiak, who interviewed Michelle for Amtrak's official magazine The National. After reminding the reader that Lysiak was two years old when Barack Obama was elected, and after asking a bunch of questions that were probably very interesting, Lysiak finally got around to asking Michelle the big question:

A lot of people want you to run for president. You’ve publicly said that you aren’t interested, but everyone says that until they actually run. Just between us, if you thought the country needed you and you thought you could really help our nation, is there even a one percent chance you’d consider running?

Just between us, and the readers of this magazine—there’s zero chance. There are so many ways to improve this country and build a better world, and I keep doing plenty of them, from working with young people to helping families lead healthier lives. But sitting behind the desk in the Oval Office will never be one of them. It’s just not for me.

"Zero chance."

"Never."

"It's just not for me."

So in politics-speak, that's a firm "Maybe." Remember, Hillary Clinton spent the better part of a decade denying that she was running for president, and we all know how that turned out. But maybe Michelle means it. Maybe she didn't just lie to a little kid's face. Maybe Michael Moore got his hopes up for nothing.

I support Michelle's decision either way, because disagreeing with anything she says or does is both racist and sexist as long as she doesn't become a Republican.

No matter what happens, we'll always have the memories. Whatever she did was cool, because she was the one doing it.

(Hat tip: Caitlin Yilek)