Only Nixon Could Go to China, and Only Trump Could Go to Space
Since the dawn of recorded history, mankind has gazed up at the night sky and pondered: "What if one day the Democrats nominated Hillary Clinton, so we could finally elect Donald Trump and he could form the United States Space Force?" For millennia, it seemed like an impossible dream. After all, who would be crazy enough to nominate her? But first America put a man on the moon, and then we kept a woman out of the White House. What came next was... well, my friends, you might say it was written in the stars.
Vice President Mike Pence laid out preliminary plans for President Trump's proposed new "space force" during remarks at the Pentagon on Thursday. Mr. Trump officially directed the Defense Department to establish this sixth branch of the U.S. military in space in June, saying the space force would ensure American dominance in the final frontier.
Just as in the past – when we created the Air Force – establishing a #SpaceForce is an idea whose time has come. The space environment has fundamentally changed in the last generation. What was once peaceful and uncontested is now crowded and adversarial. pic.twitter.com/GmiWeP5igB
— Vice President Mike Pence (@VP) August 9, 2018
It seems fitting that this was announced by the real-life Race Bannon.
Think about it, lefties: If Mike Pence is the homophobe you keep saying he is, why would he be so eager to explore Uranus?
And if you're skeptical about the president's commitment to this interplanetary initiative, keep in mind that he's already tweeted about it:
Space Force all the way!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 9, 2018
If you want to reach escape velocity, you can't just go some of the way. Not most of the way. All the way.
My only quibble is that they're calling it the Space Force instead of the Airless Force. And of course, Galaxy Watch was already taken. Other than that, I love this idea.
Look, if you hate Trump so much that you want to mope around here on Earth while everybody else is getting into their spaceships and Making Andromeda Great Again, then keep on hatin'. Not me, man. I'm signing up for the Space Force.
I don't care how arduous that first day is going to be:
I don't care how tough they make basic training:
It'll all be worth it just to help spread human civilization to the stars:
Now, I know what you're saying. "You'll never pass muster, Treach. You're too fat and drunk to go to other planets and universes and whatnot. Keep dreaming, old man!" To which I reply... Oh yeah?