Mock Frederica Wilson and Go to Jail

Rep. Frederica Wilson, D-Fla., talks to reporters.

Did you know that it's illegal to mock a member of Congress? Even if you didn't know that, it's still no excuse. If you do it, you will be tracked down and thrown in jail. Frederica Wilson is done playing around with you people.

Jon Brown, Washington Examiner:

Democratic Florida Rep. Frederica Wilson asserted that people who mock members of Congress online should face prosecution.

"Those people who are online making fun of members of Congress are a disgrace, and there is no need for anyone to think that is unacceptable [sic]," Wilson said...

"We're gonna shut them down and work with whoever it is to shut them down, and they should be prosecuted," she continued. "You cannot intimidate members of Congress, frighten members of Congress. It is against the law, and it's a shame in this United States of America."

I agree wholeheartedly. Once a person is elected to public office, he and/or she is legally protected from criticism and mockery. As we approach the Fourth of July, we need to remember that talking back to our leaders is simply un-American. We're beneath them for a reason.

From now on, the following insults, and any others, are prohibited by law and subject to severe criminal penalties:

  • Frederica Wilson looks like what would happen if you put Gary Coleman, Liberace, and Cowboy Curtis in a blender
  • Frederica Wilson sounds like somebody letting air out of a very stupid balloon
  • Frederica Wilson (D-Lollipop Guild)
  • Frederica Wilson is a space alien who crash-landed in a Dollar General
  • If sequins could talk, they would beg to be rescued from Frederica Wilson
  • Frederica Wilson is the world's worst Macho Man Randy Savage impersonator
  • Frederica Wilson is a superhero who got her powers after getting bitten by a radioactive Bratz
  • Frederica Wilson is dumb, there's no joke here, she's just an objectively unintelligent person

Don't you dare say any of those things, or anything else that hurts Frederica Wilson's feelings. Don't even think it. Or else.