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How to Go Out in Public as a Trump Supporter without Getting Beat Up or Denied Service

It's obvious that Trump supporters are increasingly unwelcome in the public square. Tomi Lahren can't go to brunch without getting assaulted, Milo can't drink at a bar without being chased out by vulgar swine chanting "Nazi scum," Sarah Sanders can't take her family to dinner, and Pam Bondi can't go to the movie theater without being harassed by screeching SJWs.  There's no doubt you're next, random Trump supporter.

Scott Adams has now admitted #SummerOfLove isn't going to happen (just like I predicted) and won't go into public anymore for fear of physical repercussions for supporting the president publicly. Clearly, we have a problem and, as usual, I'm here to help you solve these types of problems like only I can. The following is the best advice for venturing out in public when you are a #MAGA American to ensure you don't get denied service or punched in the face like this guy.

His first mistake was wearing a t-shirt and hat identifying him as a Trump supporter. This is not going to work. In order to be treated equally, you have to blend in. (Scroll down to see my helpful Facebook Live tutorial.)

1. No MAGA hats or Trump-wear

The first thing to avoid is the obvious identifier, the Trump hat or t-shirt. Obviously, if you want to get served at a lunch counter you can't wear anything like that. Do wear a hat though, in case your face is recognizable from any social media postings — and you need to be less recognizable. Do not wear cowboy hats or caps supporting the military or the flag. You might as well don a Nazi uniform if you wear any of those. Choose instead a plain baseball cap that is sports-related or beer-related, unless it's a Redskins cap and then obviously avoid that because... racism.

2. No long, blonde, beautiful hair.

Obviously, blonde hair triggers people and makes them think "Nazi!" immediately, so tie that up and tuck it under your hat if you're in a hurry. If you really want to kick it up a notch, then get a wig that is one of the preferred colors for the left that won't raise any suspicions like pink, fuchsia, blue or green. Blue is the preferred SJW hair color and you can pretty much go anywhere and do anything if you have blue hair. You can find one of these for very cheap on Amazon. If you find you have to walk anywhere on the street during a women's march or antifa tantrum, a blue wig will get you safely through it and to your destination.

3. No fascist colors like red, white, or blue

Red is totally off the table. You cannot go out in red anymore. Trump has marked his campaign with it, the Republicans use it as their identifying color and everyone knows those deplorable states are all bright red. Red is not an option. Blue and white are okay but can never be worn with red because that's just like waving a red flag in front of a bull. Only fascists wear red, white, and blue together. If you want to be safe you must purge anything in your closet with those colors or that has images of American flags. Black is your safest color. This is the preferred color of anarchists and antifa, so wearing their colors may make you less of a target.

4. SJW eyewear

If you have to go to a Washington, D.C., restaurant, the blue hair alone might not cut it, so invest in some large, ugly, plastic glasses. The uglier the better. These are called "problem glasses" and can be found at any novelty store or Amazon.

5. Adopt a gay identity

Try to shop with your best friend of the same sex. If anyone seems as if they might be about to withhold service or screech at you for being the wrong kind of American, simply grab your friend's hand and start talking about wedding plans. Wearing rainbow-decorated items of clothing is also a good buffer between you and people suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome. If there's any chance you're gay, the raging mobs may hesitate before attacking. Putting gay rainbows on your dog might also throw the mobs off.

6. Hijabs or transgenders are best

If you really want to be left alone, then don a hijab or burka and no one will dare approach you for any reason. Identifying as a Muslim woman will protect you from any kind of public scrutiny (including close TSA screening at airports). If you are a man and want to be completely off-limits to any political attacks simply put on a dress and a wig and identify as a woman. This will ensure that no matter where you go or what you do (including threatening to kill cisgendered white guys with baseball bats) you will be served, you won't be attacked, and you can live as if you are a free person in America.

If none of this advice is palatable to you, then get ready to either stay home or be persecuted when you're out with your family. Your attackers will have U.S. Congresswoman Maxine Waters egging them on.

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