When Hillary Clinton Called You a Racist, Misogynist Idiot, She Was 'Misinterpreted'

Hillary Clinton keeps saying things in public and reminding a weary nation why we've never elected her president. She's a (barely) walking, talking gaffe machine, and now even her staunchest defenders are starting to demand a rebate.

Last week she got into big trouble for saying the following, with the full knowledge that she was in front of TV cameras and speaking into a microphone:

If you look at the map of the United States, there's all that red in the middle, where Trump won. I win the coasts, I win Illinois, Minnesota, places like that. But what the map doesn't show you is that I won the places that represent two-thirds of America's gross domestic product. [SCATTERED APPLAUSE] So I won the places that are optimistic, diverse, dynamic, moving forward. And his whole campaign, Make America Great Again, was looking backwards. You didn’t like black people getting rights, you don't like women getting jobs, you don't want to see that Indian-American succeeding more than you are. Whatever your problem is, I'm gonna solve it.

The reaction to this quintessentially Clintonian statement was not what Hillary expected, because she lives inside a protective bubble of self-delusion and won't listen to anybody on the outside. Even her fellow Democrats are now begging her to shut her stupid trap and stop making life tougher for them:

The people who stood behind Hillary in 2016 are tired of being blamed for her myriad failures. They're starting to see her as a political liability. So now she's issuing a mea culpa. Kinda. Sorta.

If you thought Hillary was insulting your intelligence, obviously you're just too dumb to understand what she was really saying. She just posted the following statement to her official Facebook page:

During an interview last week with an Indian news publication, I was asked about 2016, and whether Trump is the "virus" or a "symptom" of something deeper going on in American society...

My first instinct was to defend Americans and explain how Donald Trump could have been elected. I said that places doing better economically typically lean Democratic, and places where there is less optimism about the future lean Republican. That doesn’t mean the coasts versus the heartland, it doesn’t even mean entire states...

I understand how some of what I said upset people and can be misinterpreted. I meant no disrespect to any individual or group...

So to those upset or offended by what I said last week, I hope this explanation helps to explain the point I was trying to make. And I hope now that we can get back to the real business before us: Protecting our democracy and building a future we can all share.

Take that, peasant. What she clearly said out loud wasn't what she actually meant, and if you didn't like it, you can choke on her rambling, unconvincing excuse. She meant no disrespect when she accused you of hating black people and women and Indian-Americans. She had the best intentions when she said you were everything that's wrong with America. She was defending you! Now please just move on dot org.

Hillary fell down and broke her wrist during the same trip to India, and I sincerely wish her a speedy recovery. Broken bones are no laughing matter, as her State Department underlings taught me a few years back. But all the doctors in the world can't cure her biggest chronic problem: putting her foot in her mouth. Hillary will continue to blame everybody else for the problems she creates for herself, and then she'll lie about what she just said. That's the Clinton way.

Which is fine by me. If you want me to stop talking about Hillary, try convincing her to take up another pastime that doesn't involve speaking in public. If she's going to keep spouting this nonsense where people can hear her, she's fair game. I can't stand the sound of her voice, but the resulting lamentations of the Democrats are music to my ears. They couldn't drag her over the finish line, and now they can't get her to shut up about it.

Keep babbling, Grandma.