Helpless Millennial Women Blame Trump for Disruption of CVS Mail-Order Birth Control Service

Birth control pills

The Pill Club, a birth control delivery service, is causing a hormone-fueled riot on Twitter by claiming that CVS is denying women their all-important birth control pills. This is, predictably, a huge exaggeration. Using the hashtag #CVSDeniesCare, The Pill Club and other agitators are attacking CVS. They need to calm down and have some chocolate.

(Also note: it's Trump's fault. Duh.)

What, exactly, are they whining about? CVS decided to renegotiate its terms with The Pill Club, which increased the cost of doing business for the delivery service. It seems that The Pill Club, instead of cutting costs or passing on the cost to the consumer, decided to blackmail CVS with bad press to get a better deal for itself. It threatened its own customers with denial of service and blamed it on CVS. CVS responded by reminding people that they are not living in a live-action remake of Wall-E and they can, in fact, drive to any CVS store and pick up their birth control pills at the same low price as always. "Our coverage of contraceptives is widespread throughout our network of 68,000 pharmacies, ensuring accessible and affordable access to our members. The accusations being made by The Pill Club against CVS Caremark are extremely misleading."

Are women on birth control (mostly young women) so unable to pry themselves out of bed that they can’t get to the drug store for a refill? Honestly, do you need someone to deliver tampons to your house? This is what The Pill Club does. They deliver birth control and tampons to women as if being a woman is an illness that keeps you home-bound. Who uses this? I really want to know who these women are who are so overwhelmed by a PMS rage that they can't go to the drug store once a month. I live in the country, I'm one of those rural women 20 minutes from the nearest town, and even I get to the CVS more than once a month.

According to The Pill Club, CVS is literally the worst thing ever. 

“Pill Club members with pharmacy coverage through CVS Caremark are at risk of their birth control access being disrupted. We believe that CVS simply doesn’t understand how devastating these cuts will be to Pill Club and the women we serve. We believe they are trying to save money without knowing all of the consequences. We hope CVS will change course when they know how important Pill Club is to you and all our members. If we cannot convince CVS to change course in the next few weeks, we will have no choice but to stop serving people with CVS Caremark pharmacy benefits. The reality is that we would be out of business if every pharmacy manager did what CVS is doing. And thousands of women would be without the birth control they need.”

Really? Thousands of women will be rolling around on their Ralph Lauren sheets moaning and wailing because The Pill Club no longer delivers their feminine products to their front door. I guess I believe that. After all, this dumpster-fire, reality TV, idiocracy thing we have going here couldn’t get much worse. I guess it’s too much to ask Millennials to put on pants and walk to the CVS on the corner. Don’t most of these young, hip people live in urban centers? And don’t all urban centers have delivery services for everything? My dad, who is almost 80, has figured out how to get Costco to deliver him anything in the store, and he can’t even work his smartphone. But we are to believe that tech-savvy adult women can’t figure out how to get tampons? Even in the most remote rural area, they sell tampons, y'all! And did you know that the world wide web offers about a million ways to order birth control pills online? They deliver them right to your front door! Just like The Pill Club, only less woke and whiny.

The real crime here is that some leftist found out that someone at CVS donated to the Trump campaign.

So, as usual, the real problem here is Orange Man Bad.

Megan Fox is the author of “Believe Evidence; The Death of Due Process from Salome to #MeToo.” Follow her on Twitter @MeganFoxWriter