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Diaries from Taxcutmageddon

I’ve never heard this much crazy talk about a relatively modest reduction of taxes. Rosie O’Donnell tries to bribe senators on Twitter; journalists who like to pass as sane, if not bipartisan, screech that this is the end of civilization; idiots unable to differentiate between being forced to pay a penalty for not signing on to the truly crappy Obamacare health insurance and having health care, declare we want our neighbors to die.

None of which, ah… trumps the asinine fools who claim Trump cut corporate taxes to pay back his backers and supporters and don’t realize this is true, but not the way they mean it. Most corporations and financial institutions backed Hillary because she was a shoo-in and it’s in their best interest to remain on the good side of the reigning powers.

Yes, Trump might have cut corporate taxes to pay back his earliest supporters and those who put him over the top: the unemployed in the Midwest rust belt to whom he promised to do his best to bring jobs back. See, since corporations are mobile by nature, when our country’s corporate taxes went through the roof, they relocated operations – and factories – elsewhere. Because sticking it to the corporations, in the end, means sticking it to customers, potential workers, and potential supporters, something that is apparently some kind of arcane knowledge where the left is concerned. Also, let’s remember that corporation is not a synonym for “large company.” I and many other self-employed Americans (practically everyone making a living from self-employment) are incorporated for various reasons — in our case mostly having to do with inheritance of our intellectual property and not keeping books off the market or in limbo if I die tomorrow. So the tax breaks also go to a lot of middle-class and working families via the corporate tax easing.

But no, in Democrats' minds, every cutback of government taxes or power is the end of civilization. In their addled little brains, a centralized and powerful government has come to symbolize civilization.

From things my colleagues have posted since the tax bill passed, I have ventured to compile an imaginary diary from a world in which the left’s ideas are reality. I also have ventured to make it five days, because frankly, they are extrapolating the end of the world, and even I – with my experience of fiction writing – can’t make that happen in two days.

Day One of the Taxcutmageddon

The tax-reduction bill has passed.

People are no longer forced to pay for Obamacare or pay a fine. Hospitals have closed. Doctors are asking a million dollars per hour for their services.

I’ve secured a supply of leeches and bird masks against the inevitable onset of the black plague.

Public transportation has closed all over town for lack of funds.

Heed the piteous cries of the poor screaming that as the tax bill was passed all food disappeared from their pantry.

I’d look up recipes on how to cook my neighbors, but I can’t be sure they’re organic and disease free.

Day Two of the Taxcutmageddon

Corporations are coming around the neighborhoods, repossessing all our cars, just because. The ill are now dying in the streets by the dozen. Every hour, the piles of corpses grow.

The police no longer patrol, because there is no money to pay them. Those people who aren’t dying of untreated illness are shooting each other in the streets and no one cares.

People are going door to door, erasing kids’ memories of everything they might have learned in school, and teaching them creationism. I told them this would happen if we cut taxes and stopped funding lavish layers of administrators in every public school.

If I weren’t so opposed to the individual ownership of guns, I’d get one and save the last bullet for myself.

Day Three of the Taxcutmageddon

Corporations are coming around to repossess our houses. I told them. I told them if you gave corporations tax cuts, they’d just build bins like Uncle Scrooge’s to roll on all that money, and then they would take all our stuff to add it to the bin for more money.

They’ve also taken all our clothes.

Our country is now a mass of piteous, hungry, naked, homeless people.

Now we’re all homeless and dying and shooting each other in the streets. If I had a car, I’d run away to Canada.

Day Four of the Taxcutmageddon

It’s not like we didn’t warn them. We did warn them. For years and years, we’ve told those heartless libertarians that if there were no taxes, there would be no public roads. They pretended we were crazy. Ah! Who is crazy now? The taxes have been somewhat reduced, and now the corporations have sent people around to roll up our streets. They’re just rolling up all the asphalt, and behind them there are dreaded robots planting trees so that the roads return to forest primeval.

The only good thing about this is that the corpses on the street are now being used as fertilizer for the trees. Maybe I can hide in a tree and survive the death of civilization.

I’d walk to Mexico, but we no longer have roads.

Day Five after the Taxcutmageddon

Corporations just sent someone, tree to tree, to tell us that we can’t belong to the government because it has fallen due to the massive debt that amounts to one-tenth of the debt incurred under the Obama administration.

Those fools. I told them if we were allowed to keep more of our own money and not have it spent for us by a gigantic uncaring bureaucracy this would happen. I told them.

But they wouldn’t believe me! Now see what they’ve done. We all have to belong to something, and I no longer have anything to belong to.

It’s all over. It is the end of the world.