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Cory Booker Is Like Spartacus, Without the Spartacus

It's rare to witness a moment of true bravery during a Senate hearing, but that's exactly what we got this week during the confirmation process for inevitable Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh. The Democrats are throwing everything they've got at him, from convoluted questions that literally can't be answered to hysteria over a supposedly snubbed handshake. There was even a very serious discussion of a "white power" hand gesture allegedly flashed by the Mexican-American granddaughter of Holocaust survivors. Truly, these proceedings are showing the world the best of America. But one stunning act of #Resistance stood out this week. One man's courage in the face of overwhelming odds brought a thrill to the hearts of dozens.

One brave soul was willing to stand up and say: "I am Spartacus!"

No, seriously. He literally said that.

Ladies and gentlemen: New Jersey Senator Cory Booker.

"This is about the closest I'll probably ever have in my life to an 'I am Spartacus' moment."

This is, of course, a reference to the dramatic ending of the 1960 Stanley Kubrick classic Spartacus, in which the titular hero stood up and yelled, "I am Spartacus!" while everybody else looked around and chuckled awkwardly. It was about one man being brave enough to declare himself a hero, and Senator Booker lives up to that ideal every day. He isn't going to let anybody stop him from reminding us what he wants us to think he is.

Booker's "I am Spartacus" moment was his release of some documents that he insisted he wasn't supposed to release. He claimed that he knew he was flouting the Senate rules, and that was prepared to be expelled for it. That's just the sort of risk-taking rebel he is, according to him.

But as it turned out, there was nothing preventing Booker from releasing those documents. The rule-breaker broke no rules.

When you think about it, this is #edgyAF. Oh, is there some rule that says you have to break the rules to be a rule-breaker? Hey, guess what? Rule broken.

If this was Booker's opening move in the chess game that is Election 2020, then he's only got 20 more months before his campaign wheezes to a halt and he has to endorse Kamala. He's got a lot more rule-almost-breakin' to do!

Here are a few more ways that this Rebel Without a Point can engage in civil disobedience without actually disobeying anything:

  • While at the movies, putting his phone in airplane mode and turning down the brightness instead of turning it off completely. Have you ever sat near somebody in a movie theater who's texting or talking on the phone? Well, Senator Booker isn't going to inconvenience you like that, but he's also going to keep his phone ready, so he can turn it back on quickly if there's some sort of emergency. Don't like it? Tough. He is Spartacus!
  • Rolling through a yellow light instead of stopping. Red means stop, green means go, and yellow means go really fast, right? Well, let's not take it that far. But as long as the intersection is clear and it looks like he's got enough time to make it through the yellow light before it turns red, the senator is more than willing to throw caution to the wind within reason.
  • Bringing exactly 12 items to the supermarket checkout line. We all hate going to the grocery store and standing behind somebody who brings too many items to the express line. It's as if they think their time is more valuable than yours, right? How rude. Well, get ready to stand behind Cory "Spartacus" Booker while he checks out exactly 12 items. Uh-oh! Will they have to call security? Will he get banned from the store? Who knows, maybe. Does he give a good goshdarn? He does not. You'll just have to wait your turn while this absolute legend does exactly what he's allowed to do.

Cory Booker might not ever get elected president, but he'll always be a martyr. Just try getting the modern-day Spartacus down from that cross. Go ahead, I dare ya!