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CNN is a Trump-hate-aholic and it's Time for an Intervention

For years now I’ve been getting a strange vibe off CNN.  I mean, besides the fact that they’re crazy liberals, of course, and seem to think they’re middle of the road.  But this year, it finally solidified.  Particularly after reading about their speculation relating to Melania’s SOTU attire.  I mean… it can only be one thing.

CNN, as a collective entity has been hitting the bottle hard.  It might be reaching the point of no return.

You know how it goes, right?  There’s someone in the family, usually the loud and strange uncle, that just gives you that weird vibe, but you can never be absolutely sure they have a problem. It’s entirely possible they’re just assholes, right?

Sure, he gets combative at weddings, and pesters the bride for a kiss; he rants about politics or sex at the most inappropriate moments; and towards the end of a party nothing will do but for him to put on a snazzy hat – or something that can pass as a snazzy hat – and run to the nearest crossroads to direct traffic.  But the thing is, what part of this is a serious problem, and what part of it is just being odd, not very well socialized, and frankly sure he knows a lot more about things than he does?

You don’t know, so you endure it and you go along.

Kind of like for years we’ve gone along with CNN, even after they were instrumental in the borking of Robert Bork; even after their hiding, covering up for and trying to glitz up the Clinton sins and peccadillos; even after their marked lack of interest in Obama’s scandals.

It was just CNN being CNN, okay?  I mean in the family of news networks in the US they were the crazy leftist uncle, the one who buttonholes you at airports and doctors’ offices and blares his theory of how everything is racist and sexist and homophobic at the top of his lungs.  Don’t want to have the country filled with illegal immigrants? Well, that’s because you’re a racist.  Don’t want to give women everywhere the power to have a man locked up for rape on just her say-so?  Well, you’re sexist.  Don’t want to pile on on some bakery in Podunk, Nebraska for not wanting to bake a wedding cake for a gay couple?  Why, you homophobe, you.

For years, we, the normal people of America, endured CNN in our hotel lobbies, restaurants and airports, and sighed and rolled our eyes, like people roll their eyes at the crazy uncle at a wedding.  Sure, they made our life marginally more annoying but it was CNN being CNN, right?

We made snide remarks under our breath, called it “caliphate news network” or “communist news network” and the more daring among us bought remote controls that turn off public televisions, kind of like a family muttering about the crazy uncle, and arranging for someone to distract him so the rest can enjoy the celebration.