BREAKING: Eric Swalwell Has Been Running for President This Whole Time
If a presidential candidate drops out of the race but nobody even knew he was in it to begin with, does he make a sound?
Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-Calif.) will hold a press conference Monday afternoon amid speculation that he may be dropping out of the Democratic primary contest.
The news conference at his Dublin, Calif., headquarters is scheduled for 4 p.m. EDT, his campaign said, though it did not provide details on what Swalwell planned to address.
What else could it be? Swalwell, who looks like Greg Marmalard's mentally challenged older brother, is polling somewhere between dryer lint and bubonic plague. Very few people even know he's running for president, and even fewer could give a good goshdarn. The only thing he's ever done that even remotely qualified as "interesting" was threatening to grab up all the guns in America and nuke anybody who doesn't like it:
And it would be a short war my friend. The government has nukes. Too many of them. But they’re legit. I’m sure if we talked we could find common ground to protect our families and communities.
— Rep. Eric Swalwell (@RepSwalwell) November 16, 2018
Swalwell also briefly annoyed Pete Buttigieg, but it seems like most things annoy Pete Buttigieg.
If Swalwell does exit the Democratic Party's 2020 clown car, he might have a replacement already. Paul LeBlanc and Dan Merica, CNN:
Billionaire Tom Steyer has told staffers he plans to announce a 2020 presidential bid, a turnaround from January when he said he would not enter the race.
Steyer, who has teased political bids before without ever launching a campaign, never fully ruled out a 2020 run despite his January announcement, according to a source familiar with the situation.
Back in January, Steyer said he wasn't running for president because he was devoting all his time and energy to impeaching Trump and getting him out of office. In case you hadn't noticed, Trump is still in office.
In other Never Gonna Be President news, look who's holding a super-fun contest:
I got to try some of the whiskey here at @tamworthdistill, and they did not disappoint.
— Kirsten Gillibrand (@SenGillibrand) July 6, 2019
The winner gets to have a whiskey with Kirsten Gillibrand. Second prize is two whiskeys with Kirsten Gillibrand.