Beto O'Rourke Explains Why You Shouldn't Vote for Him

Remember when Beto O'Rourke ran for president? Here's something you might not know: He still is! But nobody cares about him anymore because he isn't running against Ted Cruz. Pete Buttigieg has taken his place because he's younger, smarter, and gayer. These days Beto is polling slightly better than Cory Booker, and good luck finding anybody who's excited about Cory Booker. So at this point, what does Beto have to lose? He might as well explain to America why we shouldn't vote for him.

He makes a compelling case:

Now there's a winning campaign message: "White people are evil. America is the worst place ever. Vote for the white guy!" No wonder he adopted a Hispanic nickname. Robert O'Rourke wouldn't have gotten even this far.

If America is so racist, if we were "founded on white supremacy," why doesn't Beto stop wasting everyone's time with his futile efforts to lead us? Why doesn't he drop out and endorse Kamala Harris, a woman of color who actually has a chance of winning? Does he think that the more he flagellates himself for his privilege, the more likable he'll become? The only thing that makes people like Beto is not seeing or hearing Beto.

I wouldn't have thought it was possible, but this guy is even more useless than Biden. If even Beto doesn't know why he should be president, why should anybody else care?

It's time for Beto to join Eric Swalwell. He needs to leap up on the counter, say "I quit," and go back to doing whatever he was doing before this. Betomania is over.