Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminates Any Possibility He's Serious About Climate Change

Los Angeles, 2019 A.D.

The weightlifter rose from the ashes of the box-office bomb. His war to get people to pay attention to him has raged for decades, but the final battle would not be fought on the silver screen.

It would be fought here, in his own driveway.

Today...

Francesca Bacardi, Page Six:

Arnold Schwarzenegger made running errands look like a military mission when he drove to the Brentwood Country Mart in a tank-like SUV.

The 72-year-old “Terminator” star was spotted having a bit of trouble getting back into his Pinzgauer all-terrain vehicle, though eventually got back in before heading back home.

If you don't know what a Pinzgauer looks like:

"Come with me if you want the planet to die."

I'm not kidding about him going on a bikey ride with Greta Thunberg, by the way:

If Greta is his hero, why doesn't he start living by the example she's provided? Why doesn't he sell or destroy his dozens of cars, his Gulfstream jet, his Patton tank...

Seriously. He owns a freaking tank, and I'm pretty sure it's not a hybrid:

Arnold loves his toys. If he really believed what he's saying about the environment, he'd stop destroying it with all his lovely carbon-spewing vehicles. He'd get rid of them. He'd start living in harmony with nature, instead of driving his SUV to go complain about fossil fuels killing us all.

But he won't, because he doesn't really think any of this climate stuff is true. It's just a way to remain relevant in a world that's passing him by. His political career was inauspicious, and his movies don't put as many butts in seats as they used to, but he still needs people to keep telling him how great he is.

And you know what I say? Good for him!

Arnold should keep living his best life. He should buy all the gas-guzzlers he wants, all the big houses he wants, planes, tanks, submarines, whatever. He's living proof that an immigrant -- a legal immigrant -- can come to this country with nothing but the will to succeed, and he can transform himself into a modern-day demigod. His conspicuous consumption is #AmericanAF.

And he should keep being an enormous hypocrite, because there's nothing more American than a rich, powerful man who doesn't practice what he preaches, and who ignores all the little people who point out how full of $#!+ he is. What are we gonna do about it, write some stupid blog posts while he lights up a cigar with a Ben Franklin while he crushes stuff with a freaking tank?

Arnold is a total jerk, and I love it.

God bless climate charlatan Arnold Schwarzenegger, and God bless the USA!