The PJ Tatler

Republicans Own Texas: Wait Till You See What They're Planning for the Next Legislative Session

Dallas News headlines

Wait a minute…I thought Republicans won the election.

Here in Texas, Republicans dominate the legislature, the governor’s office and all statewide offices. Yet, that Dallas News headline offers the early word on legislative priorities for the next session.

Former House speaker Rep. Tom Craddick, R-Midland, again filed a bill that would institute a statewide a [sic] ban on texting for all drivers—a measure that previously passed in the Legislature in 2011 but was vetoed by now departing Gov. Rick Perry. He called the bill “a government effort to micromanage the behavior of adults.”

Of course, this stalwart Republican, Craddick, doesn’t want to limit your liberty. He merely wants to “give our law enforcement officers the tools they need to make our roadways safer,” not to mention a good excuse to take a look-see at the data in your Moto X, since it’s now been used in the commission of a crime. Who knows what other crimes you might be commissioning with it?

Aw, don’t give me that smug look. I don’t think people should text-and-drive any more than you do. (And, by the way, you do it way too much.) After all, if you’re looking at your phone instead of the road and other vehicles, you could miss some great opportunities to express your God-given right to road rage.

The point is, it’s already illegal to drive recklessly. Who cares why you’re doing it — texting, eating a Whataburger, combing your big hair, tweezing your nostrils, smoking one of them vapor contraptions, or rebuking your kids because one won’t share his iPad or e-cig with the others? (Don’t make me come back there.)

If I were in the Texas House right now, I’d introduce an amendment to the Craddick bill that would make it illegal to take your hands from the 10-and-2 positions on the wheel for any reason whatsoever. It should also be forbidden to speak with one’s spouse, children, campaign manager, press secretary or other pets while driving. Needless to say, I would also press for a full ban on daydreaming, or listening to Tears for Fears…