I Demand to be Arrested!

Hillary Clinton, I insist that you have me arrested. I am thinking of making a movie about Mohammed.

I don’t want to brag, but as a film professional with an Academy Award nomination in screenwriting, I may do a better job than Nakoula Basseley Nakoula, alleged creator of the Innocence of Muslims.

But I have to admit one thing. Hopeless and inept as Nakoula may be as a filmmaker, I agree with the intentions of his movie. I too have a serious problem with Islam because I happen to abhor misogyny and homophobia, both mainstays of that faith. And, like most Americans, I prefer freedom of religion to jihad, Sharia law, and a global caliphate.

Don’t let me criticize any of that.

I also happen to agree with Nakoula that making a movie about a faith whose prophet married a six year old and deflowered her at nine is of thematic and dramatic relevance. As a father, I am seriously concerned about child abuse, as is most of our film-going public, I would imagine.

Indeed, the beginnings of Islam are the very stuff of great theatre and cinema, reprehensible as the actions of the protagonist may be. In fact, it may be great because of those actions. After all, Richard III is not a classic for nothing.

So I am very tempted by the subject of Mohammed.

Arrest me, Hillary Clinton, before I start. Call Eric Holder!

And while you are at it, tell him to round up Salman Rushdie. His novel about Mohammed is obviously blasphemous. He was lucky to escape that fatwa. We should have one of our own.

And arrest those Danish cartoonists too – ink-stained wretches!

Arrest everyone who dares to criticize a religion that wants to take the world back to the seventh century. After all, you’re a “progressive.” You’re on the side of human rights.

And make us apologize for our work, too. We didn’t mean a word we said. I’m sure the thoughtful folks in the Arab Street will accept our apologies and return to their peaceful, meditative lives.

But most of all, arrest me because I might even make things worse.