8:35am (All times Mountain, most likely) George Stephanopoulos isn’t aging well. He looks more and more like Kasey Kasem and sounds more and more like one of Jim Henson’s muppet characters. Or maybe it’s the other way around.
8:37am Already this isn’t as much fun as the Democrats’ YouTube debate. The first question concern Mitt Romney’s abortion turnabout, and it comes from a civilian. Via phone call. With subtitles on a screen card. Welcome to the YouTube ’88 Debate.
8:39am Of course, Mitt is responding well, endlessly repeating, “I am pro-life.” This guy reminds me of John Kerry in 2004. Back then I wrote, that there’s no getting Kerry of message – he’s “a debating machine.”
8:41am Mitt on Mitt action! Kasem now has Mitt replying to something Mitt said on video months ago. Across the country, millions of kinky LDS girls swoon! Correction: Tens!
8:42am Rudy got some tepid applause for defending his mostly-pro choice beliefs.
8:43am Tommy Thompson appears to be propped up by traffic sign up the back of his suit coat. He’s talking, but I can’t get past his immobilized shoulders long enough to listen.
8:45am Holding this debate so early in the morning is unfair to the candidates. McCain looks as if he’s still working off a bender from last night. Speaking of which, holding this debate so early in the morning is unfair to certain bloggers.
8:47am What’s Ron Paul’s Iraq strategy? “Just come home!” Now, let’s allow the grown-ups to speak.
8:48am One of the Jim Beam’s (Hunter?) is coming on strong against Paul, and the Democrats on Iraq, and the crowd is shouting wildly. In a good way. Really. All support-y-like.
8:50am “We win this war, and we win it with honor.” Thats another one of the Jim Beams, and he wants us to replace our Middle Eastern oil. Somehow.
8:52am The third Jim Beam sounds an awful lot like Joe Biden, talking about partition of Iraq. Hell, he kind of looks like him. How strong did I make this Bloody Mary?
8:54am McCain looks too pathetic even to comment on. His campaign is, I think, over as of today. What was the over/under on him being out of the race at Labor Day?
8:56am “Not a single Democratic candidate said the phrase ‘Islamic terrorism.'” That was Rudy, calling it political correctness run amok on the other side. Of all the candidates, only Rudy sounds like he’s running against the Democrats, instead of against the other Republicans. Call it the Frontrunner’s Privilege.
8:57am “He’s going to sit down for tea with our enemies, and bomb our allies.” That’s Mitt, talking about Barrack Obama’s Week of Blunders. Best line of the debate so far.
8:59am Tom Tancredo is my hometown favorite, I guess. That said, what’s there to say about this guy that I haven’t already said over the last three or four debates. When he’s not shouting about immigration, he’s shouting about Iraq. Or just shouting. He’s turning into the Mike Gravel of the Republican race.
9:00am Thompson really does have an entire Stop sign up there. How can he breathe?
9:00.5am Proper response to smart-ass bloggers: “If he were a Democrat, the sign would say ‘Yield.'”
9:02am Ron Paul is an anagram for Pornulo. Which makes more sense than he does, most of the time.
9:04am And now, domestic politics! Here’s something to think about: Winning Iraq is a domestic issue, not a foreign policy problem.
9:06am “Health care is one of my major dominant fields.” That’s Thompson, talking about who is going to pay for emergency stopsignectomy procedures.
9:08am Tancredo is making actual libertarians happy, telling people that “womb to tomb” health care isn’t Washington’s responsibility. Pornulo could have said the same thing, but with enough spittle to set the cause all the way back to 1967.
9:10am Rudy’s first misstep: On health care, he’s talking policy details instead of polemics. That doesn’t work well in this fast-paced “debate” format. Even policy wonks like me found ourselves getting lost in our Bloodys, rather than paying attention.
9:12am Another Jim Beam (Brownback?) repeated the phrase “socialized medicine” at least three times. That could be an effective strategy in the national election, but might not play as well in left-leaning Iowa.
9:14am “If the senator could say it over again,” he’d say it differently. That’s Rudy on Barrack’s Bad Week. Rudy, surprisingly, came across as waffling on the issue of bombing al Qaeda in Pakistan.
9:14.5am And that mistake by Rudy is letting Romney cut to his right on national defense. Of course, mostly what strikes me about Romney is how freakin’ white his teeth are.
9:14.75am “Hey, Mitt. George Hamilton called, and he wants his haircut back.” As if I have room to talk.
9:17am While one of the Jim Beams is rambling on about something, there’s something I have to admit. I’ve been voting in general elections since 1988. This close to each of the previous elections, I’ve known exactly who I supported, and why. This time around, I still have no clue who to vote for, or even what my criteria ought to be. And I’d say that’s the fault of the candidates, and of this speeded-up selection process.
9:19am “Our responsibility is to spread democracy here,” at home, says Ron Paul. And what kind of toast would you like that on, Mr. Paul? Also, Pornulo keeps says “neocons” this, “neocons” that. Does he think he’s running for mayor of Berkeley?
9:21am Rudy sounds smart and confident and competent, talking about just how to stabilize Iraq, and to eventually bring democracy there. And comparing it to his experience as NYC mayor. It was a clever switcharoo.
9:22am This is only the third time I remember McCain speaking this morning. Muppet Man seems to have turning this “debate” into the Rudy & Mitt show, instead of the previous Rudy, Mitt & McCain programs. And George S is no dummy when it comes to television. I’m telling you, McCain’s campaign is finished.
9:24am “They attacked us on 9/11. We were here.” That’s Mitt, reminding us of something important. To rephrase something I blogged a few minutes ago, there’s not much difference today between policies foreign and domestic.
9:26am Thompson moves and talks like Nixon, only without the natural grace.
9:28am Are we really debating air traffic control?
9:29am Look, I know infrastructure is important, but Congress runs that show, not the President. If you want to fix infrastructure, then you’ve got to reform earmarks. So until I hear the words “earmark reform,” I’m not going to listen to this part of the debate. Neither should you.
9:31am “Cut taxes, fix bridges!” Suddenly, George S is presiding over the debate for Mayor of Detroit. This is pathetic.
9:33am “I’ll veto every single [pork barrel bill] that comes across my desk.” Strangely, only McCain understands what I said at 9:29. Pathetically, it comes at the end of his race.
9:35am Commercial break, so I’m refilling my Bloody Mary glass. Mine’s spicy & smoky, with extra tabasco and worcestershire. How’s yours?
9:38am It’s another fake YouTube Moment, as ABC allows a civilian video question on the air. It’s a pale imitation of the real deal from last week. If the Republicans really do all skip out on their YouTube debate next month, then I’ll savage them for it. But today, the cowards are at ABC News. You can’t stick it in halfway and claim “orgy.”
9:40am Dick Cheney will be gone from office in 18 months. Why are we debating him?
9:43am One of those famous political aphorisms is, “the vice presidency isn’t worth a bucket of warm s[p]it.” Yet George S. has wasted, so far, five minutes of precious “debate” time on the subject. This is an embarrassing moment for ABC News. Or would be, if TV news knew how to blush.
9:45am Everything you ever buy is now at least 23% more expensive. Do you support the Fair Tax?
9:47am “There’s nothing wrong with getting rid of the IRS.” I think I’ve misquoted Romney there, but I got the gist right. And now you know why I almost always lean Republican. I mean, can you imagine almost any Democrat making a statement like that? If there’s anything I can’t forgive the Dems for, however, it’s that they keep forcing me to vote Republican.
9:49am McCain has just attacked the Alternative Minimum Tax. As someone who has gotten hit by the AMT in the last couple years, I wish this issue would get more traction. But trust me when I say: In the next three-four years, it will get more traction. Lots more.
9:51am We’re nearing the end, and you can tell – not one of these guys has the energy they started with. Except maybe Rudy, who asked if George really wanted him to explain all his mistakes in 30 seconds. Funny stuff, which also let him dodge the question without anyone noticing.
9:53am Thompson just vowed to cure breast cancer. I swear.
9:55am What would Brownback restore to the Oval Office? “Family.” Hey, if Bill Clinton had better aim, he might have, too.
9:57am “We will win. We will never surrender.” McCain’s words were brave, but he looked and sounded exhausted. After covering yet another one of these mock debates, so am I.
10:00am Well, so that happened. Almost nobody watched, and if I’m any indicator, ever fewer people cared. Although I did get a good belly laugh right at the end when Muppet George thanked everyone for “a great debate,” and look excited and sincere as he said it. I wonder if he’s been drinking better Bloodys than I have.
Join the conversation as a VIP Member