Your father and I can’t express in words the love we have for you. Your innocent smile and joy-filled laugh renew the kind of hope and peace we haven’t known since we were children. Your new life is a grand adventure and we pray that God will guide you through it so that you can make the most of it every day. You’ve already given us a reason to reflect on the world we know you’ll live in.
Like all parents, we know you’ll wind up having to deal with complete idiots who seek to destroy our culture every day.
But, while the mainstream media and armchair pundits like to focus on society’s ills, there is reason to hope you will have a better experience than our own. Despite the best attempts of United Nations member states, the Internet is still free. There are like minded people out there with whom you’ll be able to connect and develop good friendships that will grow into productive partnerships. Thanks to technological freedom you will be exposed to a vast number of primary resources virtually inaccessible to previous generations. The truth will live at your fingertips as long as you know where to find it.
As your parents we will do our part to ensure that you learn to research effectively and think critically, gauging every idea you encounter through a Biblical lens. We will do this not only because we love you, but because we have a moral responsibility to you, the child God has given us to raise according to the plan He has for you, a plan for a “future and a hope.”
In blessing you with this knowledge, we will in turn be blessing others, even those not yet born. Because, if you choose to embrace the life God has for you, you will become that blessing.
Many of your peers will miss out on that opportunity to be a blessing, because their parents are too busy collectivizing their resources to squeeze our culture into the box of some popular trend.
Consider social justice warriors. Today, we spend about 50 times more time getting into useless word battles with Internet trolls than we invest in prayer, good works and ignoring the idiots whose only goal is destructive chaos in the first place.
The Internet has only been widely available for a few odd decades, and we’ve already seen racial equality destroyed by hashtag-fed hysteria, women defined by various public sex acts, and the general language and grammar of our culture distilled into 140 emojis or less. As the social justice warriors accelerate their march, you’ll have a real struggle finding like-minded individuals with whom you can relate on a logical level. (I’ve attached a copy of Idiocracy for your reference.)
We recognize that your generation will have to deal with these morons, which is why we’re going to do everything we can to prepare you to be a better person. While the rest of the world focuses on climate change like Nero fiddling while Rome burned, we’re going to do something truly radical and focus on you. Because while we can’t change social justice warriors, we can raise you to see through their vitriolic rhetoric and call it like it is: insane bulls**t.
Ridding our world of social justice warriors will take time. Over short periods it may not seem like we’re making much of a difference, but in the end righteousness will prevail. Not because we say so, but because God says so. And you don’t argue with 5,000 years of beautiful tradition from Moses to Sandy Koufax. There’s a reason every one of our holidays can be boiled down to: “They tried to kill us. We won. Let’s eat.” This is why one day, you and your children will see what we can only imagine: a world without suffering from social justice warriors.
Our hopes for you focus on two ideas: loving the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and strength and loving your neighbor as yourself.
When you can embrace these two concepts, you will understand humility. When you embrace humility, you will be a greater blessing that reaches more souls than any social justice warrior’s lame hashtag or 15 minutes-of-fame cause ever could.
We could bullet-point a list of parental goals and benchmarks, but we’re just going to remain humble, pray for guidance and follow God’s lead. (And not bore you to death.) This is what we pray you will do, because if you walk in the way God has for you, you will change the world.
And those annoying SJW kids you’ll meet along the way will just have to deal with it.
Mom and Dad