Parenting

Believe Me When I Tell You Your Kid’s an A**hole

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As mothers, I believe we have inherited our Father and Creator’s eyes. When we look at our children, we see what others can’t. We see what could be, what is becoming. We see beyond the actions.
Children need us to believe in them. They need us to see past the person hiding behind the bad behavior. Even as adults, we need someone who understands us and loves us through our faults. We expect that kind of understanding from our spouses, though those two roles are separate—children need our correction and guidance.
A mom needs to see the behavior as well as the heart of the child and then weigh the two so she can teach him to bring his behavior under control. The problem is, we moms just can’t see the behavior. Or we refuse to believe it.
Over at ScaryMommy.com, Susie Johnson writes:
If my kid is being an a**hole, I want you to tell me…
If my kid whips a rock and hits your kid in the head, I want you to tell me.
Whether or not it was an accident.
If my kid talks to you disrespectfully, I want you to tell me.
If my kid is doing drugs, I want you to tell me.
If you see my kid in a place you think he or she might not have permission to be, I want you to tell me.

The question is, if I tell you what your kid is doing, will you believe me? If I point out a character issue that your child is carefully hiding from you, will you be offended?

Most moms won’t tell you about your child’s bad behavior for one of two reasons: either because you won’t believe it, or you’ll take it personally.
Here’s what you should do when another mother tells you that your child is misbehaving:
  • Don’t make excuses. You know that when little Carson doesn’t get a nap he gets cranky. That doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be punished for biting a playmate. Deal with the offense. He needs to understand that this is not acceptable behavior. Then, use this as a lesson for yourself, rather than an excuse for you child’s bad behavior. Whether your child needs a nap or he’s had too much sugar or whatever reason excuse you’ve got for his actions, be sure those needs are met before you expect or allow him to interact with other children.
  • Thank her. You can’t see everything. Truth be told, we can be blind when it comes to our kids. Ask Dylan Klebold’s mom. We want to believe the best about our children. We do. That’s what makes us good moms.

Understand that when it comes to your kids, you have a blind spot. You have to rely on other people to see what you can’t because if you can’t see it, you can’t fix it. The best thing that you can do is to let your other mom friends know that you know you have a blind spot. Ask for their help and non-judgmental encouragement. After all, none of us has given birth to a perfect child yet.