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Ohio Students Asked Which Victim Group They'd Vote Off a Spaceship Fleeing a Dying Earth

School has hardly begun and already teachers are imposing their weird leftist views on young children who would rather just learn how to read well. A Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio, teacher came up with a maudlin tale of human extinction to test her students' political views or something," according to Fox 8 Cleveland. The assignment posited that Earth is doomed, a usual tale for far-left cranks who live in constant fear of the earth burning up because of Hummers. In order to survive, the students must choose only eight people to escape on a ship. Wait until you hear the choices!

The twelve people the students have to choose from are: an accountant with a substance abuse problem, a militant African-American medical student, a 33-year-old female Native American manager who does not speak English, the accountant's pregnant wife, a famous novelist with a physical disability, a 21-year-old female Muslim international student, a Hispanic clergyman who is against homosexuality, a female "move" [sic] star (again, this was designed by a teacher) who was recently the victim of sexual assault, a racist armed police officer who has been accused of using excessive force, a homosexual male professional athlete, an Asian 12-year-old orphan, and a 60-year-old Jewish university administrator.

Let's try it, shall we?

First of all, there are a few problems with this list. For one, there isn't nearly enough information here. What is the African-American med student "militant" about? If it's his undying devotion to his prayer life, then he might be a good choice (although a med student almost made me lose a foot once). But if his militant side is all "black power, kill whitey," then he obviously can't come.

What does the Native American woman manage? Is it a McDonald's or a farm? Can she grow stuff? We're going to need food. Is it racist to assume a Native American can grow corn? Probably. And I can't ask her because she won't understand me. So she has to be excluded based on my reluctance to assume she can grow stuff because of her race. I wouldn't want to be racist.

The gay athlete is totally out. Who needs a sports ball player in space? (And I had enough of the gay athletes in the last Olympics. I still haven't forgiven figure skating for that sideshow. Everyone knows figure skaters are gay. They're figure skaters!)

The pregnant woman can come. So far, she's the only one with a useful skill. She's fertile and already breeding. By default, I guess her husband, the drunk accountant, should be allowed on so we don't break up a family and he can make more babies in a few months.

The famous novelist is definitely not allowed to come. Writers are totally useless even without a physical disability (ask my husband). The writer would spend all day in his sleepy pants eating things out of boxes and staring at his laptop.