Cartoon Network Promotes Pride Month Because the Powerpuff Girls Are Gay or Something

Parents, are you ready for Pride Month to invade toddler time? Because it’s here! Cartoon Network has decided that the Powerpuff Girls are gay or something. Or maybe they’re gender-queer-questioning with non-binary ideation. The one with the pink hair looks like she could be an “otherkin” or possibly a mermaid (which is gender-specific, so perhaps I should use the term merspirit). Whatever the case, they’re out, they’re proud, and they’re celebrating gay pride month with your toddler. Great news.

If you think this is awesome, then pat yourself on the back and give yourself points for being super accepting and non-judgmental. It’s totally admirable to push gay stuff on kids. It’s not weird or harmful at all. Yay you! You’re so woke! If you do have a problem with introducing the topic of why that guy is wearing chaps and walking around with no underwear, you’re out of luck, you stupid bigot. That’s not something you’re allowed to have a problem with anymore. Just turn your kid over to the LGBTQWTF brigade for their indoctrination session. Listen up, children! Boys in dresses are good and boys who play with cars are repressed and toxic and will most likely rape you. Wearing makeup makes you a girl (if you’re a boy) but wearing makeup if you’re a girl makes you a heteronormative repressed anti-woman sexist. Catch up! It’s easy if you try.

Wearing ugly rainbow gear for the month of June protects you from all criticism, ever. If anyone dares to even look at you in your glorious asexual alien robot suit disapprovingly (even if their brow is just furrowed from constipation) you can report them to the Twitter Mob Squad who will destroy them and make sure they’re never hireable again. And the LGBTQWTF crew will do that because they’re the good guys non-gender specific individuals. They care about kindness and love and are violently against bullying. In fact, if you ever want help with a bully, always go straight to the gays. They know how to hurt a person so they never recover financially, spiritually, or emotionally ever again. They’re so magical!

But wait, there’s more! It wouldn’t be Pride Month if the companies pretending to care about it weren’t trying to sell you things to pander to your identity issues. Cartoon Network is, of course, selling backpack pride gear for your toddler. Don’t miss out on that! You wouldn’t want your offspring mistaken for cisgendered normies. That’s the surest way to get disinvited from all the cool playdates. Instead, attach these virtue-signaling doo-dads to their coats, backpacks, and lunch bags to ensure that everyone knows your kid is woke AF! (Also works as a bully deterrent. Any kid who attacks another kid wearing pride merch is automatically a homophobe. This will hold up in court.)

Happy Pride Month, suckers!