How to 'Christine Blasey Ford-Proof' Your Son

I never thought I would be the mother of a son. Boys just don’t run in our family. My grandmother has thirteen grandchildren, all of them girls. So when my son came along it was like a dream (a weird, crazy dream with a penis no one knew what to do with) and what a blessing he is! My little boy is so precious to me. He’s sweet and loving and loud and crazy. He eats dirt. He’s MUCH different than his sisters in his aggressive and fierce expression of love for “his girls,” as he calls us. Male affection is just different and it’s been that way from the beginning. Perhaps that’s why mothers and sons have a special bond.

Mothers of sons everywhere should be terrified by the constant destruction of men by duplicitous, lying women and an overzealous and political Senate confirmation process. All a scheming broad has to do these days is claim that your son touched her inappropriately more than two decades ago and she can derail his career. Worse, if your son ever happens to end up in front of the Senate, U.S. senators may drive his wife to suicide. The Senate confirmation hearing for Miguel Estrada, a Bush choice, was so stressful that Estrada’s wife had a miscarriage, developed a drinking problem, and overdosed on pills and died, according to The New Yorker.

For Rove, the most painful example was Miguel Estrada, who had worked in the Solicitor General’s office, and who was Bush’s first appellate-court nominee, in 2001. Estrada withdrew his name twenty-eight months after being nominated. During the confirmation struggle, Estrada’s wife miscarried; in November, 2004, she died, of an overdose of alcohol and sleeping pills. The death was ruled accidental by the medical examiner. Rove said that Mrs. Estrada had been traumatized by the nastiness of the process.

The confirmation process for the Supreme Court should not be killing people and yet, here we are again in the nastiest battle yet. Judge Brett Kavanaugh is being put through the wringer by a bunch of political assassins who couldn’t care less if lives are destroyed as long as they get their way. So far his wife seems to be holding up admirably, but for how much longer, no one knows. She’s got the vicious press camped out in her yard where her children used to play. If it were me, the cupcakes I would be making for them would be laced with Ex-Lax.

The best video on the internet this week is this panel segment on CNN where a bunch of women are asked what they think of the detestable Christine Blasey Ford and her allegations against Brett Kavanaugh. The responses were not what CNN expected or they would never have aired it.

It is no surprise to me that the mothers of America have had enough of this nonsense. They aren’t just women. They are mothers of sons. And as any mother of a son can tell you, we love our boys at a level that is hard to put into words. It’s why sitcoms have always featured invading mothers-in-law hovering over their precious sons who can do no wrong. It’s a thing. We love them and we want to kill THOT who tries to hurt them. (For the uninitiated in teen speak, check the urban dictionary for THOT.)

The press has underestimated the mothers of America who are watching this process of destroying a good man with horror and anger. What can we do as mothers to make sure this doesn’t happen to our sons? It begins with training them from a young age to protect themselves from unscrupulous girls. A long time ago the worst you had to worry about was a girl trapping your son by getting pregnant. Now it’s much worse. Here are a few ideas with which to move forward in this terrifying #MeToo era.

1. Take him to church and make sure the lessons stick

Make sure your son knows how to treat others, what his moral obligations to himself and his family are, and to follow God’s laws in regards to dating and marriage. Try to impart the importance of saving sex for marriage. What can happen to him if he fails to do that (poverty, child support, disease, death, false rape charge) isn’t worth it.

2. Train him to document any unusual circumstance

If something happens to your son at school or elsewhere involving a girl that might be misconstrued or even if he just feels uncomfortable with it, teach him to email it to himself with details, dates, and witnesses. These emails are admissible in court. It will also solve the problem of not being able to remember details years later if accused.

3. Teach your son to assume he will one day have a position of high importance and encourage him to live accordingly

This is the Mike Pence school of behavior that will serve him well. Do not be alone with a woman who is not your wife if you are married. If you are not married, then try to have witnesses when dealing with women. Double-dating may soon be the only smart thing for a man to do when looking for a mate to protect himself from dangerous women who would like to hurt him. Teach him that anything he might say or do today could affect him and cost him a job 30 years from now. Show him what’s happening to Brett Kavanaugh. Teach him to choose his friends wisely, to stay sober, and to stay away from shenanigans that could come back and haunt him.

4. Don’t trust women

Sorry to say it, but my sex offends and horrifies me. Between Stormy Daniels and Ford, women are a disgrace. Contrary to the saccharine platitude that “women don’t lie,” women lie all the time. They lie like crazy. The younger they are, the more they lie and scheme. It’s probably the rage of hormones and insecurity that contribute to it, but most women lie and scheme. Teach your sons to search out morally upstanding girls and to avoid drama queens. The religious ones are usually better. Stay very far away from party girls and girls who use drugs or drink underage. Those girls are momentarily fun, but ultimately trouble. Teach him to stay away from those girls.

Even if a man does all these things there’s no guarantee some lying hussy won’t try to screw up his life over a romantic poem, but it should help to give him evidence with which to fight back.