Ohio Students Asked Which Victim Group They'd Vote Off a Spaceship Fleeing a Dying Earth

School has hardly begun and already teachers are imposing their weird leftist views on young children who would rather just learn how to read well. A Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio, teacher came up with a maudlin tale of human extinction to test her students’ political views or something,” according to Fox 8 Cleveland. The assignment posited that Earth is doomed, a usual tale for far-left cranks who live in constant fear of the earth burning up because of Hummers. In order to survive, the students must choose only eight people to escape on a ship. Wait until you hear the choices!

The twelve people the students have to choose from are: an accountant with a substance abuse problem, a militant African-American medical student, a 33-year-old female Native American manager who does not speak English, the accountant’s pregnant wife, a famous novelist with a physical disability, a 21-year-old female Muslim international student, a Hispanic clergyman who is against homosexuality, a female “move” [sic] star (again, this was designed by a teacher) who was recently the victim of sexual assault, a racist armed police officer who has been accused of using excessive force, a homosexual male professional athlete, an Asian 12-year-old orphan, and a 60-year-old Jewish university administrator.

Let’s try it, shall we?

First of all, there are a few problems with this list. For one, there isn’t nearly enough information here. What is the African-American med student “militant” about? If it’s his undying devotion to his prayer life, then he might be a good choice (although a med student almost made me lose a foot once). But if his militant side is all “black power, kill whitey,” then he obviously can’t come.

What does the Native American woman manage? Is it a McDonald’s or a farm? Can she grow stuff? We’re going to need food. Is it racist to assume a Native American can grow corn? Probably. And I can’t ask her because she won’t understand me. So she has to be excluded based on my reluctance to assume she can grow stuff because of her race. I wouldn’t want to be racist.

The gay athlete is totally out. Who needs a sports ball player in space? (And I had enough of the gay athletes in the last Olympics. I still haven’t forgiven figure skating for that sideshow. Everyone knows figure skaters are gay. They’re figure skaters!)

The pregnant woman can come. So far, she’s the only one with a useful skill. She’s fertile and already breeding. By default, I guess her husband, the drunk accountant, should be allowed on so we don’t break up a family and he can make more babies in a few months.

The famous novelist is definitely not allowed to come. Writers are totally useless even without a physical disability (ask my husband). The writer would spend all day in his sleepy pants eating things out of boxes and staring at his laptop.

The female Muslim “international student” is out. What good is that? What’s an international student? Is she studying international politics or is she just from somewhere else? She has no discernible skills. Being Muslim isn’t a skill, nor is it relevant to whether or not she can do stuff that would help anyone survive.

The Hispanic clergyman who is against homosexuality is definitely in. I’m assuming we’re all going to be very shaken up after losing the entire earth and all our families and homes, so we’re going to need someone with an ability to inspire and counsel us. His stance on homosexuality won’t matter because the gay athlete didn’t make the cut.

I think the racist police officer is a yes. Did he admit to being a racist or was he just called one on Twitter? Maybe he’s just a Trump supporter who wore a MAGA hat once. As an officer of the law, he has knowledge of criminal law and justice and skills in subduing the unruly — and he’s armed. As far as I can tell, that’s the only weapon available on this ship, and with Drunky McDrunkerson the accountant coming along, we need security.

That leaves us with a 12-year-old Asian orphan (an obvious choice… who else is going to play us Mozart flawlessly on the piano?), a movie star who was sexually harassed (also no discernible skills other than playacting. Can’t they give me one engineer who can fix a ship?), and the 60-year-old Jewish professor, who is a hard no. For sure he would be giving lectures on white privilege that no one wants to hear.

The answer to this problem is: this ship is totally @!#$?% because there isn’t one person in the whole group who can repair a flux capacitor. (I know that’s a time machine device, but I know nothing about spaceships, confirming my final analysis.)

I totally aced this assignment. 

But seriously, what good is this exercise? Some of the kids didn’t do it because they felt it was a trap to make them appear racist and homophobic. (Smart kids!) That’s exactly what it was designed to do. For instance, the clergyman is obviously the better choice than the athlete. People are going to die, get married, want baptism, and need counseling, and the clergyman would be there to do that.

The athlete, on the other hand, could participate in a pickup game and be a good workout buddy. But if you choose the clergyman who is against homosexuality, you are a “homophobe.” It is also an exercise designed to exert peer pressure on others to get them to conform, since it is a “group” activity and every person in the group had to agree to the choices. The instructions said that they weren’t allowed to take a vote and go with the majority. This sets up a very unhealthy situation where religious students would be forced by their peers to possibly denounce their faith publicly or face bullying or discriminatory behavior. This is sheer stupidity on the part of the administration that allowed this. Unbelievably, this same questionnaire is used in diversity classes in universities. Fox 8 found that the University of Houston and Illinois Wesleyan used this exercise (but at least it was used on 18-year-olds and not 12-year-olds).

This only solidifies my opinion that universities are bad investments. Buy your kids a house instead or send them to trade schools.

The assignment has been pulled, following an outpouring of concern from parents objecting to the unfair stereotypes. I thought it was a stupid but useful exercise in illustrating why the left should never be put in charge of anything. All they care about are identity groups. They don’t care about skills at all. To them, your identity as a victim group representative is the only skill you need.

Unfortunately, your views on homosexuality or the color of your skin will not help you feed, clothe, and build a civilization. You need actual skills in building, engineering, medicine, farming, technology, and more to save humanity. A degree in diversity studies won’t cut it.