Baby showers are a wonderful way to celebrate a mom-to-be and her precious little cargo. They help out the new parents with some much-needed baby gear, and they give close friends and family a reason to have a little party. And let’s face it, teeny little baby clothes and socks are pretty much the most adorable things in the world.
I have been to several incredible baby showers (my own included), and some people just know how to decorate in a way that makes everyone immediately say, “Awwww!” when they walk in. The food can be delicious and still cute (with pink or blue accents) and the conversation and gift opening can be seamless and fun.
But sometimes I wonder if people who throw baby showers have lost their damned minds. From weird decorations or food to ridiculous games, it is as if they forgot that they’re honoring a woman who is lugging around a bowling ball in her belly. Or that some gory details about childbirth don’t mix well with mimosas and hors d’oeuvres. Check out these baby shower ideas that have GOT TO STOP.
10. Baby in Ice
Some brilliant mind thought up a game where a tiny baby doll is frozen in an ice cube. Then everyone carries around their own iced baby until one melts completely and the baby comes out. At this point, the lucky person needs to yell, “My water broke!” As someone whose water actually did break, setting in motion a scrambling to get out of the house and a husband who had to mop up the living room floor, this is not something I would want at my shower. Plus, ewww.
9. Guess the Size of Mom’s Waist
Clearly the person who came up with this game has never been pregnant and has never really known a pregnant person. Because you know what’s really tough over the course of a pregnancy (aside from the countless aches and pains, weird bodily functions and hormone fluctuations)? Coming to terms with your growing body and the fact that you now have a huge bulge where your waist used to be. So if anyone came up to me while pregnant and tried to guess the size of my waist, I would give them three seconds to guess where the closest exit is before bopping them in the face.
8. Write a Message on a Diaper
We get it—you want the guests to write well wishes or advice to the mom-to-be, and baby diapers seem appropriate since it’s a baby shower. But let’s think about this: is the new mom supposed to keep a pile of diapers indefinitely so that she can refer to them when she needs inspiration or support? Impractical, at best. Plus, diapers aren’t cheap. Just give some clean ones to the mom, along with a book of everyone’s messages.
7. Diaper Chair Throne
As I mentioned above, diapers are expensive, so giving new parents a whole bunch of them is a thoughtful and generous gift. But making a pregnant woman sit on a bunch of boxes of diapers? Can we say sciatica? Braxton Hicks? Hemorrhoids? Shall I go on? Just give the lady a nice comfy place to sit and call it a day.
6. Name Suggestions in a Jar
One of the most important decisions parents can make before the birth of their child is picking a name for the new baby. This kid has to live with this name for the rest of his or her life. It’s a topic that most parents don’t take lightly. And chances are, they have gone through every list or baby book available to try to find the right one. But I’m sure that they haven’t considered the one that you just jotted down off the top of your head and put in a jar.
5. Baby Bottles to Serve Condiments
Once again, we get it. Baby shower…baby bottles…serving food…let’s combine them to make a cute BBQ sauce container. But when there’s anything but milk or water in a bottle, especially when it’s dark brown or red, it’s not cute anymore. It’s a little weird. Use the bottles for decorations and use real food containers for your hot sauce.
4. Guess How Many M&M’s, Jelly Beans, Etc. Fill the Bottle?
Why? I literally played this game at a party when I was in kindergarten. Why must we play games? We’re grown women eating canapes and drinking champagne. Can’t we just eat the damned candy and be done with it?
3. Ready to Pop
Because as a pregnant woman, I want to be reminded by my party favors that I am “ready to pop.” The idea of childbirth can be an anxiety-ridden one for women in their third trimester. But sure, let’s have some fun with that and give the new mom a few minor panic attacks while we all eat popcorn.
2. Rubber Duckies in the Punch
Rubber duckies are cute. Punch is yummy. But I do not want to scoot a few ducks over to scoop out my punch. Plus, how do I know that the ducks were actually cleaned before they were tossed in with something I’m supposed to ingest? Keep the food and the non-food items separate, please.
1. Chocolate Poop in Diapers
I’ve saved the best for last here. If anything has to go, it’s this one. In case you’ve never seen this, people melt different chocolate bars in diapers and the lady of honor needs to check out the “poop” and figure out what kind of chocolate was used. Because that sounds like fun, and like a really helpful way to get ready for parenting. Please keep the poop out of the scenario when throwing a shower. Please!