Parenting

'Realistic' Stages of Pregnancy List Totally Nails It

Pregnancy is a beautiful, wondrous time for a woman. No matter how many children you’ve had, hearing that heartbeat for the first time or feeling those little kicks never get old. It’s incredible. But let’s face it: your body is rapidly changing (as are your hormones). Your little bundle of joy can mean an incredible amount of discomfort for you, no matter how ecstatic you are to be expecting.

All of the baby books, websites and apps take you through the development of your growing fetus. You learn when he has working eyelids, or when her taste buds are finally formed. But not many resources really give you the lowdown on what you’ll be experiencing. Not the nitty gritty. While you will probably feel some or all of these at some point during your pregnancy, I’ve tried to outline the stages of pregnancy as an expecting woman might feel them. If you happen to be one of the unicorns that has zero symptoms and glows for 40 weeks straight, thank your lucky stars!

    • 4 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a poppy seed. You: It worked! I’m pregnant!
    • 6 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a lentil. You: Let me just close my eyes for 2…<snore>
    • 7 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a blueberry. You: Get that Chinese food out of here or I’ll vomit all over you.
    • 8 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a raspberry. You: If I don’t eat right now I will face plant right into the sidewalk.
    • 10 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a prune. You: I’m just going to take a five-minute nap (for 2 hours.)
    • 12 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a lime. You: Feed me. But only large amounts of cheese and all the bread.
    • 15 Weeks: Your baby is the size of an apple. You: Ok, I’m finally not as nauseous anymore, but just let me close my eyes for 2…<snore>
    • 16 Weeks: Your baby is the size of an avocado. You: Baby is kicking! I felt a little kick!
    • 18 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a sweet potato. You: Woohoo! Let’s go out! Let’s do something fun! And by the way, feed me.
    • 20 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a banana. You: I finally look pregnant and not like I just ate too much this weekend!
    • 21 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a carrot. You: How long till I can drink again?!
    • 22 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a spaghetti squash. You: Ooh the baby is really rolling around a lot now! And feed me.
    • 23 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a grapefruit. You: How big are my boobs going to get?!
    • 24 Weeks: Your baby is the size of an ear of corn. You: I have a head on my bladder, get out of my way!
    • 25 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a cucumber. You: Feed me.
    • 26 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a scallion. You: Oh this is starting to get a little heavy to lug around…
    • 27 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a cauliflower. You: I know I just peed 10 minutes ago, but I have to go again.
    • 28 Weeks: Your baby is the size of an eggplant. You: I need a mango and ice cream RIGHT NOW.
    • 29 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a butternut squash. You: I’m so hungry but I don’t have any room in my belly for more food!

Next page: 30-40 weeks…

  • 30 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a cabbage. You: Please pass the Tums.
  • 31 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a coconut. You: I have a foot in my rib. How easy do you think it is to breathe??
  • 32 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a jicama. You: Feed me. Oh the heartburn! Ugh I have to pee again.
  • 33 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a pineapple. You: Stairs? I think I’ll sit this one out.
  • 34 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a cantaloupe. You: Yes, even bread gives me heartburn.
  • 35 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a honeydew melon. You: Ok, kid, enough with the kicks while I’m sleeping! Never mind, I have to pee anyway…
  • 36 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a head of romaine lettuce. You: Let me just close my eyes for 2…<snore>
  • 37 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a bunch of Swiss chard. You: Just roll me wherever you want me.
  • 38 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a leek. You: Ok, baby, I’m ready whenever you are.
  • 39 Weeks: Your baby is the size of a watermelon. You: I don’t care how much childbirth will hurt, just get this kid OUT OF ME!
  • 40 Weeks: My baby is here! He’s the most perfect, amazing little thing I’ve ever seen!
  • 41 Weeks: You: Let me just close my eyes for 2…<snore>. Your baby: “WAHHHHH!!!!” You: Ok, I’m awake, I’m awake!