Tennessee Mom Hilariously Lays Down the Law on Leggings (Which Aren’t Pants)

Let’s be clear, ladies, leggings are not britches, er, pants. So declares a “PSA,” as she calls it, from Tennessee native Jamie Higdon Randolph, who regularly shares her straight-talking, Southern-accented wisdom on Facebook.

In her latest video message, Randolph discusses leggings, how they should and should not be worn, and things that the world does not want to see when you’re wearing them:

If you can’t wear a shirt that covers your tail, so I can’t tell you got some Aztec-print thongs on, you don’t need to be wearin’ em. That’s rule number one.

If they’re too tight, if I can see you got a tattoo on your leg, they’re too tight. They ain’t to be wore, period. That’s called pantyhose, honey. Panty. Hose.

Randolph, who occasionally sports pink hair, also shares thoughts on bad relationships (you may be “the crazy one”), how people should accelerate if they go around her while driving, why the thumbnail image for your video usually makes you look weird, and why you shouldn’t bring a newborn baby to a moonshine festival when it’s “hotter than four hells outside.”

She also worries that women who wear short shorts don’t actually have mirrors.

“They come out in public with shorts that’s being eaten by parts of their anatomy. I don’t know who told them it looked good, because it don’t.”

Oh, and don’t pick your nose while you’re driving, especially if you don’t have tinted windows. Jamie Higdon Randolph can see you.