Fall is in the air, and for countless families across the country, this means high school football is back on Friday nights. Under the glow of the stadium lights, communities come together and cheer on their boys of fall.
I don’t know what it is about these football games, but they bring out certain qualities in people that you’d never see otherwise.
Here are 10 types of parents you see at every high school football game, many of which you’ve probably shaken your head at personally.
Mr. Glory Days
He’s the most uncomfortable person in the stands because he’s worked terribly hard to squeeze into a lettermen jacket, t-shirt or sweatshirt from his playing days. Nobody seems to remember him amounting to much on the field, but according to his stories, he was the hero of every game.
The Parking Lot Mom
The parking lot mom doesn’t give two shakes about football or the social event surrounding the game, so she just drops her kids off to watch the game while she sits in the parking lot and waits. Next week, she’ll do it all over again.
She may have been a cheerleader, or she may have been on the homecoming court in her heyday, but she’s far from that now. It’s obvious she’s chasing her youth, but she’ll never catch them in those shoes.
These folks stake their spots and spend the entire game talking loudly about people at the game and people nowhere near the game. The gossips don’t care who’s in earshot, as long as the people they’re talking about don’t hear it.
It’s easy to spot a cheerleader mom from a mile away because she’s wearing as many sequins as her daughter. She’s more perky than the girls on the sidelines, too, with her colored hair, whitened teeth and fake boobs.
The Clueless Mom
We’ve all seen this one mom who doesn’t have the slightest inkling about football, yet she faithfully shows up every Friday to support her son. It’s truly painful to witness, but the one who suffers the most is the poor son, who just can’t get it through his mom’s head that he can’t tackle his teammates.
They’re With The Band – And Don’t You Forget It!
Band parents can be some of the worst offenders; they seem to think that a football game is merely something to pass the time before and after the band takes the field. These parents get offended because people get up during the halftime show to visit the concession stand or go to the bathroom, and they fume when people cheer for the team but take the band for granted.
The Coach’s Buddy
This is the guy who had a conversation with the coach some time before the season, and now he acts like some sort of weird groupie to the. He’s always trying to pass unsolicited advice to the coach as he stalks the sidelines, looking for a way into the fence or trying to catch the coach looking in his direction.
The Bleacher Referee
There’s always that one man or woman who knows the rules better than anyone else. Thousands of people attend these games every weekend, but it’s guaranteed that none of them know more about the sport than the bleacher referees. Just ask them; they’ll let you know.
The Way-Too-Proud Dad
There’s always at least one guy at the games who is so swollen with pride — and probably a little lit with Natty Light — that he can’t help but share his pride with the world at as high a volume as he can. Between the beer buzz and vicariously living his life through his son, the way-too-proud dad wears on everyone’s nerves pretty quickly.
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