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Breast Is Best When Flashed in Campaign Ads

Recently a major UK paper questioned whether or not motherhood is the unfinished work of feminism. While mainstream women’s mags still don’t know how to handle the taboo topic of childrearing, don’t be fooled: the granddaughters of '60s feminists are still getting their claws into motherhood in the most unexpected of ways.

Take, for instance, J. Crew’s new line of t-shirts for boys. The hot pink shirts declare, “I am a feminist, too.” Available for boys as young as two, the shirt has been a huge hit with trendy moms taming their boys’ inherently evil gender. Proud mothers can’t even say “boys will be boys” any longer. Now onesies read, “boys will be good humans.” Being a boy is so not trendy.

That is, of course, unless that boy can be breastfed on camera. A growing number of female candidates are looking to connect with mom voters in the midterms. What better way to do that than to show the electorate a picture of you breastfeeding your own child? Feminist Jill Filipovic asserts that these candidates are putting their own spin on Donald Trump's novel campaign showmanship. In other words, breastfeeding is best — as long as it gets the woman the job, the career, the election. You know, the things that really matter. Just ask Krish Vignarajah, a Maryland gubernatorial candidate, who has no problem breastfeeding her child on camera as long as she can recite her impressive career credentials while doing it.

Meanwhile, Brooklyn moms are turning European baby formula into a trend. Driven by guilt over their inability to breastfeed, the Park Slope crew is pouring big bucks into importing organic formulas that aren’t FDA approved, and could pose serious health risks to their babies. They're going to such bizarre lengths to feed their children because "breast is best," therefore those whose bodies can’t keep up must pay the price. Literally.

Speaking of the economics of motherhood, feminists are also championing the battle for federally funded paid family leave. The upside: Moms having much-needed time home with their children. The inevitable downside: Mothers forced to return to work full-time without flex-time or stay-at-home options. After all, someone has to pay for the federal benefit and that someone is the taxpayer.

Despite their ardent advocacy for paid family leave, feminists manage to punch holes in their theory time and time again. The most recent example comes from Senator Tammy Duckworth. After campaigning so fiercely that she miscarried while on the trail in 2016, Duckworth was hailed as a feminist hero for bringing her newborn daughter to the Senate floor in order to cast a vote during her family leave period. No feminist dared mention that women are continually forced to work for free during family leave periods, lest they lose their jobs or are overlooked for promotions. Forget the laws designed to protect you from having to work so that you may bond with your child and heal. Just suck up the fatigue, pack up the brat and get back at it, like Tammy Duckworth. Don't let your child get in the way of your career success.