Parents know that their kids are sweet and adorable time bombs who are just waiting for the right moment to say the most inappropriate, bizarre, or cringe-inducing things. Sooner or later you’re going to get some funny looks, turn beet red, and you won’t want to shop in that store again for a while, but at least you’ll have a funny story to tell your kids once they’ve grown up. Many parents took the time to share some of their own mortifying stories of when their children said the worst thing at just thing wrong time, and I’ve picked out the best of the worst for you. From Quora:
It’s always Halloween in their neighborhood!
Kimberly Tissue has an embarrassing tale about how her young son perceived her neighbors: “I love this story. It always makes me laugh, although it didn’t at the time!”
“I was grocery shopping with my son when he was about 2 years old, I think. He was still young enough to be riding in the cart, but old enough to talk. We have a large Amish community near us, and he didn’t have much interaction with them at the time.”
“We were going down one aisle, which also had a rather large Amish family, a mother and at least 5 children, if I remember correctly (15 years ago!). As he looked at the boys with their straw hats, and similar clothes, and then the mother and daughters with bonnets and dresses with aprons, he asked, ‘Mommy, why are they witches?’”
She continued: “Noooooo! He did NOT just say that! I wanted to melt into the floor because that entire Amish family was looking at ME with dagger eyes. They didn’t like that one bit. As calmly as I could, I just said, ‘Honey, they aren’t witches….they just dress differently than we do. That doesn’t make them scary.’ I have nooooo idea where the idea of witches came to him, but I still think it’s hilarious that he said ‘Why ARE they witches?’ Because, of course, they are, but why?”
“Innocent, but so funny!”
If he had nicer shoes, you wouldn’t be dealing with this.
Stacey Thibodeaux has so many embarrassing gems to choose from, but there was a recent incident that happened when she took her 9-year-old son to the grocery store:
Son: (pointing and loudly exclaiming) “Mom! Mom! Look! That’s what I’ve been needing!”
Me: Casually glances at the shelf to see what my little guy thinks he needs so desperately, and then immediately asks him to lower his voice down from megaphone level 10.
Son: “Look mom, a whole box- RIGHT THERE!”
Me: “Uhhh nope, you don’t need those, honey. And what would you do with them?”
Son: “Well, to make my shoes more comfortable.” (Spoken in his “Duhhhh Mom, Isn’t It Obvious?!” voice.)
“No, we did not purchase a pack of women’s sanitary pads for my son’s feet that day.”
Mike-check- 1, 2…
Michael Wright recalls that he wasn’t present for this embarrassing bombshell, but his wife was:
“She used to take our daughters to church every Sunday when they were young. One Sunday, my daughter, who was about 5 at the time, did not want to go, but my wife took her anyway.”
“They were sitting in the front row. She was fidgeting, and Mom was trying to get her to settle down before the service started. As the priest happened to be walking by, she yelled ‘I HATE CHURCH,’ which was picked up by the priest’s microphone and broadcast through the audio system.”
It IS polite to say goodbye, but…
Amanda Bankston wrote, “Just last week, I was waiting at the front door for my eight-year-old to get off of the bus. As she descended the stairs to jump off the bus, I heard her turn around and yell quite loudly (I could hear her from inside the house).”
“Goodbye, chocolate people!” her daughter said.
“Her bus driver, of course, is black, as well as half of her classmates. I hid inside the house.”
I don’t remember that category on Netflix…
Roxanne Sher Olson, a former student of American University, chimed in with an awkward story of her own:
“My nice, Catholic in-laws were visiting. We were discussing how my husband travels for work and I’m left alone with the kids. We started talking about the Netflix shows I’ve gotten into watching on my own. Then my nine-year-old piped in: ‘I know what Mommy watches after we go to bed,’ he said slyly, his eyes aglow with some insider knowledge. Then he announced to the table, ‘Mommy watches Porn!’”
“It turns out that someone at school had told my son that there was a super popular grownup TV show called ‘Porn’ that ‘has every inappropriate thing grownups won’t let you watch.’ He figured it probably had gun shooting, maybe really scary monsters.”
One embarrassing story to rule them all.
“He didn’t just say it, he yelled it!” Wendi Tibbets wrote. “’LOOK, IT’S A HOBBIT!’ Our 4-year-old son was pointing at a man, while jumping up and down excitedly.”
She continued: “I was mortified, and quickly apologized to the man, who simply smiled at me and told me it was no problem. I introduced my son, who shook the man’s hand and our kid had instantly made a new buddy. I couldn’t get him to shut up. He chattered on and on. I had to practically drag the kid away from the poor man for fear he was becoming a pest.”
“When we got home, I explained to our son that some people were born smaller than average, and that they weren’t Hobbits, but dwarves; they preferred to be called ‘little people’ or ‘dwarves,’ and that ‘Hobbit’ was an offensive term.”
“My son looked at me thoughtfully for a moment, then with all sincerity (because I’m short) asked me if I had also been born a dwarf, or if I was a true Hobbit, instead.”
Just be glad he didn’t say “Manatee!”
“I’m not easily embarrassed,” Martyn V. Halm wrote, “so I didn’t become flustered when a severely obese lady was in front of me unloading her shopping cart and my two-year-old son pointed at her and said, ‘Cow! Daddy, look! Cow!’”
“The obese lady turned to me and scowled, evidently assuming my son was referring to her girth. I smiled friendly and pointed at the carton of milk she was holding in her hand. It featured a cow.”
“She was flustered and turned to me, smiling at my son and said, ‘Such a darling little boy.’”
“I scowled and said, ‘Yes, now he is a darling, isn’t he? Don’t be so quick to take offense.’”
Good grief! Those are all pretty humiliating tales, but I’m sure that many of you have even better stories about the strange things your own kids have said over the years. What’s the most embarrassing thing to come from your kid’s mouth?