The Morning Briefing: Party Harder—The Doomsday Clock Just Sprung Forward

TICK, TOCK...

ICYMI -- we're all for real actually super duper no not kidding this time totes legit gonna die:

Treacher wrote about it yesterday, perfectly describing the inanity of it all:

And this means as much as it's meant for the past 70-odd years: nothing. Real clocks are instruments of science; the Doomsday Clock is an instrument of the arbitrary whims of some scientists. It might as well be the Doomsday Dartboard. Do you really think we're any closer to planetary doom than we were during the Cuban Missile Crisis, or the Chernobyl disaster, or the premiere of MTV's  The Real World? You've got all those brainiacs gathered in one place, and not one of them has read "The Boy Who Cried Wolf."

Now I totally want a big Doomsday Dartboard for my living room.

The explanation from the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists immediately discredits itself by interjecting the climate change hoax garbage into its calculus for moving the clock forward. I can’t take anyone seriously once they start trying to tell me that the climate is going to kill me.

Actually, I’ve grown weary of the fire-hose of gushing existential crises that we are forced to face every day now. The real threat facing humanity is mass extinction via bleeding ulcer because everyone sees the number of monsters under their beds tripling daily.

As a conservative who has survived in the very liberal entertainment industry I am no stranger to dialogue with my political opposites. In fact, there was a time when I rather enjoyed it.

In recent years, the incessant “END TIMES!” screeching from the Left has made me disengage.

Over the decades, as the Democrats have been trekking ever leftward, they ceased attempting to make coherent arguments for any policies they favored and switched to a steady litany of “Do this or you’re going to die!” pitches. The list from just the past three years has been almost comical.

I felt rather powerful when I realized that I had survived the repeal of net neutrality. When Trump’s tax cuts didn’t kill me like the Dems said they would, I began feeling almost immortal.

There are days when I think I only pay attention to my health because I want to live a very long time just so I can keep pointing out that the climate has yet to murder me.

The reality is that we live in an extraordinary time of abundance that we should be celebrating. The average middle class American of 2020 enjoys more luxury on a daily basis than the wealthiest 19th Century Americans did.

We’re not dying. We’re living really well.

When everything is an existential crisis, nothing is an existential crisis.

I’m hitting “snooze” on the Doomsday Clock.

Forever.

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PJ Media Associate Editor Stephen Kruiser is the author ofDon’t Let the Hippies ShowerandStraight Outta Feelings: Political Zen in the Age of Outrage,” both of which address serious subjects in a humorous way. Monday through Friday he edits PJ Media’s “Morning Briefing.”