'You Can't Possibly Mean That'

That last thing I want to do is hurt your tender feelings That last thing I want to do is hurt your tender feelings

2) Everyone knows that.  Another all-purpose put-down, signifying that you’re a complete idiot.  It’s a riff on the old Soviet “as is well known…” boilerplate, which pretty much signaled that whatever statement came next was a complete and utter lie, although we preferred to use the term “higher truth.”

Everyone knows that Al Gore really won the 2000 election; that John Kerry really was a war hero, even though he only spent 16 weeks in Vietnam and yet won more medals-per-minute than Audie Murphy; that Teddy Kennedy was the Lion of the Senate instead of the Swimmer of Chappaquiddick; that Jimmy Carter was a misunderstood president; and that Alger Hiss and the other Soviet spies were really innocent (of course they’re innocent, in our mind!).  Gainsay any of these theses and we’ll nail you to the door of that church in Wittenberg, just like Martin Luther King did.

Still, you ought to give it a try and watch what happens.  WARNING: be prepared for some exploding heads.

Everyone knows that the Democrats are the party of slavery, segregation, secularism and sedition.

You can’t possibly mean that!

Everyone knows that Avatar sucked.

 You can’t possibly mean that!

Everyone knows that global warming is a complete crock, that a bunch of crooked scientists faked the data in order to siphon even more tax money out of our pockets, and that the polar bears are friskier than ever.

You can’t possibly mean that!

Everyone knows that you never want to live in a red state next to a blue state, because as blue states like Massachusetts, California, New York and Illinois die, hordes of Democrats stream out of them, fleeing high crimes and the even higher taxes they just voted.  Like locusts, they move into an adjoining state, such as New Hampshire or Oregon or Indiana, beg for asylum – and then set about destroying it as well.

You can’t possibly mean that!

But, of course, you do.

How to utterly confound the Left after the page break...