Pour a Drink, Grab a Seat: We're Liveblogging Presidentish Biden's First Joint Address to Congress

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When I first heard there was going to be a four-hour-long Zac Snyder cut of the interminably bad "Justice League" movie, I said to my wife that the only way to make a Zack Snyder movie worse would be to make it longer.

She watched the Zack Snyder cut and told me I'd nailed it.

Same thing here.

The only way to make a Joe Biden speech worse is to make it longer, and this is the longest one by far I've ever sat through.

On the other hand, we had each other and most of us had cocktails.

We're going to need each other and cocktails more than ever for the next four years.

Who's with me? And with my liver?

"Let's begin to get together."

I don't think his speechwriter is getting $15 an hour.

He's shouting again. Is this the big finish?

"Autocrats will not win the future," says the same man who also said the Bill of Rights is more like a guideline.

"Extraordinary courage was summoned" by an unnamed person to shoot an unarmed woman in the neck who then died.

It's weird that the border wasn't the problem before 2016, and isn't the problem now, but from 2017 through 2020 the border WAS the problem...

...and the problem was largely solved.

Did I just catch a glimpse of Ted Cruz napping?

He's fading. Word slurs coming faster and furiouser. 

"No amendment is absolute."

Your rights, in other words, exist at Washington's whims -- just as the Founders planned it.

Where is Biden's actual support?

Earlier today, I predicted Biden would probably keep his not-SOTU speech at under 60 minutes.

I have never been so saddened to be wrong.

"Gun violence," to borrow the Left's weasel phrase, is only up in Democrat strongholds.

Biden is trying to turn the entire country into a Dem stronghold.

Plan your gun and ammo purchases accordingliny.

More votes than any president in history, folks.

First time I've ever empathized with Nance.

Reminder: "Systemic racism" is what people say when they can't find enough actual racism.

Another reminder: Refusing to embrace middle-class values and then failing to achieve middle-class security is not racism.

Old white man with 50 years in Washington complains about white supremacy.

"Never underestimate Joe's ability to f*** things up." -Barack Obama, who had to be dragged kicking and screaming into authorizing the raid.

It would be easier to take Biden's tough talk seriously, if Beijing hadn't made Hunter rich and if Kerry weren't selling out Israel to buff Iran.

STOP YELLING AT ME.

This is the part where he indicates seriousness by sounding angry.

It's tedious, and fairly new to his delivery. But mostly it's tedious.