Day 1: Liveblogging the 2020 Democratic National Convention

And... that's a wrap, dear readers. Thanks for slogging it out with us during the Dems' virtual snoozefest. We'll be right back here tomorrow for part two of the DNC. Hope you can join us! 

So, yeah. That was... something. 

Love this song. 

The crowd goes wild!

The Democratic National Convention scans to bored audience nearly falling asleep pic.twitter.com/IaSlOD1Au5

— Steve Guest (@SteveGuest) August 18, 2020

I am in physical pain.

When Michelle Obama finally showed some of that empathy she demanded the rest of us proles show and finally ended her Casto-length harangue, the DNC cut to a big-ass Zoom multicast of a bunch of losers applauding to their own laptop screens.

The Marquis de Sade ximself never devised a torture so exquisite. 

I already miss Bernie's swank cord of firewood. But please THINK OF THE TREES. 

Please clap.

The Democratic National Convention scans to bored audience nearly falling asleep pic.twitter.com/IaSlOD1Au5

— Steve Guest (@SteveGuest) August 18, 2020

And now...CLAP. Then QUIT. 

Yes, Michelle Obama is still speaking.

"We are one nation under God." Great idea, Michelle. 

Now tell us about God. Tell us about unity. 

Truth in advertising from The Lincoln Project. 

We go low so you don’t have to. #DNC2020

— The Lincoln Project (@ProjectLincoln) August 18, 2020

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Michelle Obama's husband the one who said Dems should bring a gun to a knife fight? I'm not buying her "go high" silliness. 

Michelle Obama, We must require empathy. Or else. 

Americans: I think I'll do my civic duty and watch some of the DNC tonight.

...12 seconds later...

Um, let's see what's new on Netflix. 

Craig? Is that you?

When I look at this photo of the beautiful Michelle Obama I think ... Craig? Is that you? pic.twitter.com/15hqRPRARJ

— Victoria Taft (@VictoriaTaft) August 18, 2020

For those who actually do watch conventions, I think they tune in mostly for the spectacle.

There is none of that to be found in tonight's production, and likely won't be going forward.

The Republican convention will suffer from the same drawback, but there is a difference.

What the Dems are selling requires exuberant crowds of people who aren't thinking too clearly about the longterm.

That's a very difficult sell to make when staring into a webcam, sitting in front of a green screen.

Michelle Obama: The schtruggle is real.

Please stop the Bruce Springsteen. Please. God. 

Please stop. God, please stop. pic.twitter.com/tR2sEGz45h

— Victoria Taft (@VictoriaTaft) August 18, 2020

Michelle Obama just insulted every Trump voter as a fool, which strikes me as a curious method of winning back the Obama-to-Trump voters who put Trump in the White House.

Bernie -- THINK OF THE TREES. 

Please.