Top Five 1980s One-Hit Wonders to Rock the Midterms

For all the disparagement they receive, people still click on list pieces. They want to weigh in. They want to post their own ideas about what should have made the list. They want to call the author an idiot. What’s not to like?

What some in the great unwashed forget in their rush to sack anyone with the temerity to write a list piece is that most published lists are subjective. Unless compiled on the basis of citable data or statistics, a list is a personal opinion, and as such may be no more valid than a list that anyone could make.

A subjective list has to be cautious with the collective “we” and other inherent assumptions.

“Sitcoms We’re Ashamed to Admit We Enjoyed” is not an objective list. Most viewers would be ashamed to admit they enjoyed the short-lived 1979-80 McLean Stevenson vehicle Hello, Larry, which became a running joke on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. But there’s got to be somebody out there who liked it and was bummed when it was canceled.

If somebody writes a list piece titled “The Best 1980s Female Pop Stars” and forgets to include Madonna, go ahead and call him or her an idiot, but the word “best” is subjective. Conversely, “The Top Twelve Biggest-Grossing Tours of 1983” is an objective list.

Where am I going with this? To the next level. To the ideologically partisan list piece. A list that blends notoriety with interpretation, art with agenda, and subjectivity with bias mobilization.

Here are my top five 1980s one-hit wonders that can help guide conservatives to victory in the midterm election. All the artists mentioned here made other records and had varying degrees of success in the music business, but these are the songs for which they are most known.

5. “Turn Up the Radio” — Autograph

One sure bet as the midterms loom:  Conservatives will be turning up the radio. Not to listen to anthemic party rockers like Autograph’s solo chart-topper — which still receives airplay on classic rock stations — but to hear what their favorite radio talk show hosts are saying.

Not to hear Rush’s “Limelight” for the fifty-millionth time, but to find out what Rush Limbaugh thinks about any eleventh-hour attempted Democrat desperation plays. To ascertain who Laura Ingraham favors for speaker should Republicans hold the House. To monitor Sean Hannity’s onion-peeling reports on the Deep State (he says “unpeeling the onion,” which technically means putting the onion skin back on, but whatever). To know when and if Brian Kilmeade will ever take a vacation.