'Sex Worker' Seeks to 'Destigmatize Sex Work In Society.' Um, No Thanks.
Haley Jade is a prostitute — excuse me, a “sex worker” — and she’s on a mission to corrupt America — sorry, “destigmatize sex work in society.” She wants to break up marriages — whoops, help people who are “unhappy with their sex lives and don’t want to leave their marriages.” She’ll be better at sex than you are — or rather, help your boyfriend “learn stamina in bed.” And she doesn’t care how many people she preys on — no sorry, she’s here to help “people with mental illness, people with disabilities, women, people who are LGBTQIA+.” So, basically, prostitute visits for all! Yay?
Jade’s article is in HuffPost and is called “I’m A Disabled Sex Worker, And This Is What I Want You To Know.” Jade’s “neurological issues such as anxiety and ADHD” led her to become a “sex worker” (for . . . some reason) and now she’s on a mission to make it seem like visiting a hooker is a totally normal, acceptable, and wonderful thing for everyone to do. So normal, in fact, she says that some prostitutes even think that “seeing a sex worker should be covered by health care insurance because intimacy is part of sexual health.”
Excuse me while I pull out my handy-dandy dictionary (which is a book that tells me what words actually mean in real life). Intimacy. Noun. “A close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.” Let’s see... Sex worker. Noun. “Prostitute.” Ah. Prostitute. Noun. “A woman who engages in sexual intercourse for money; whore; harlot” or “a man who engages in sexual acts for money” or (my personal favorite) “a person who willingly uses his or her talent or ability in a base and unworthy way, usually for money.” So a prostitute (even if you call her a “sex worker”) does not provide “intimacy.” She provides sex. Back to the dictionary. Sexual Intercourse. Noun. “Genital contact, especially the insertion of the penis into the vagina followed by orgasm; coitus; copulation.” Hmm.
Sex can be intimate. It should be intimate. But paying a person to have sex with you does not build intimacy. (Is a person you pay to be your friend really your friend? "No" is the correct answer.) Prostitution necessarily separates sex from intimacy. Even Jade’s examples show that to be true. People who are unhappy with their sex lives but don’t want to leave their marriages are people trying to separate sex from intimacy — the intimacy they share with their spouse goes in one bucket, the physical act of sex goes in another. People who want their boyfriends to visit a prostitute to become better in bed are separating the intimacy of their romantic relationship from the physical act of lovemaking.
The problem is, even though sex and intimacy aren’t the same thing, when you’re in a romantic relationship with someone, they’re so intertwined that you can’t really outsource the sex and keep the intimacy. Sex is an inherently vulnerable act. You are letting another person in on the secret of your body — a secret you keep covered up from the whole rest of the world (one hopes). When you do that with someone you also have a relationship with, it deepens the trust and the... well... intimacy between you. That’s why going off and having sex with someone else — whether you pay them or not — is a betrayal. It’s like learning someone’s secret and then telling it to the world because it makes you feel good.
The problems that Jade mentions as reasons people come to see her are things that people should be dealing with in their relationships. If your sex life with your spouse is unfulfilling, ask yourself what’s going on in your relationship to make that true. If you don’t like something your boyfriend is doing in bed, tell him so and help him improve. (Why would a prostitute be better equipped than you to teach your boyfriend “stamina”?) And if you can’t have those conversations with your partner, ask yourself why. Would you pay someone to handle the relationship part of your relationship and just stay with someone for the sex? A relationship takes work, everyone knows that.
Jade can’t understand “why anyone would think someone seeing a sex worker is a loser.” Let me explain: separating sex from love is a loser thing to do. It’s giving in to your urges in “a base and unworthy way.” It’s believing that because your body craves something, you are obligated to comply. And because, regardless of what Jade and her “colleagues” say, it's using a woman’s body without appreciating that there’s a person attached. So, moral of the story: do not take life advice from a prostitute... even if she takes your insurance.