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Let's Settle This Once and for All: Women Do Not Love Jerks

Poker Pimp at the Gambling Table together with two attractive women behind him, smiling happy and dirty over his stack of earned coins.

One of the ideas that has circulated endlessly for years is that women aren’t interested in nice guys, but they do love jerks. In all fairness, this idea didn’t just spring full-blown from nothing into an entrenched dating trope. This concept is a regular theme in movies where the love interest is dating the biggest douche on earth at the start of the movie before the “nice guy” hero inevitably steals her away.  Moreover, there are more than a few men, mostly ones who think of themselves as “nice guys,” who believe they’re “different” from the average guy. After all, they’re nice and wonderful and caring while they think the average man is an uncaring jerk who just wants to trick a girl into sex before he takes off out the window with $20 worth of cab fare he stole out of her purse.

The problem with letting this idea stand unchallenged is that it gets men going in the wrong direction. There are guys thinking, “What kind of world is it when I have to be a jerk to get a woman to like me?” or alternately, “Well, I don’t really want to be a d*ck, but if that’s what I have to do to get laid….” and it’s all crap. It’s false. It’s just BS.

Women do not love jerks or more accurately, women do not love jerks FOR BEING JERKS. This may seem like a subtle difference, but it’s not.

You see, a lot of women do like men who take charge, who are confident, who set their own path and don’t just follow the crowd…. men who are leaders; men who stand out; men who are assertive, dominant, and exciting; men who other men want to be and other women want to have. You don’t have to be a jerk to check those boxes, but if you are a jerk who does check a lot of them, then you may be in business.

I hate to use him as an example because anyone who’s president of the United States is polarizing by default, but there’s probably no more perfect example of this than Donald Trump. Trump dated a string of models in New York during his single days and yet he has turned being a jerk on Twitter into an art form. Trump is also renowned for promising to sue people for every reason under the sun and he seems to enjoy firing people. We’re talking about a man who has an entire chapter in one of his books on taking revenge when someone wrongs you and admits that he likes the idea of sleeping with other men’s wives. He can be pushy, demanding and he does not hesitate to be abusive to people who upset him in some way. Trump can also certainly be charming when he wants to be, but he definitely has some powerfully jerky aspects to his personality. So, was Trump dating all those models because they liked it when he acted like a jerk or because he’s a famous billionaire TV star who owns property all over New York and has a name that’s practically synonymous with wealth and success? Was he so great with women because he’s a jerk or because, love him or hate him, he’s undeniably a competent, dominant alpha male who relishes being in charge and stands out wherever he goes? Put another way, are the more insulting parts of Trump’s personality what drew women to him or were those traits something women were willing to put up with because of his good qualities? The answer is obviously the latter.