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Don't Open That Big Black Sarcophagus in Egypt!

 

Sometimes I think the world suffers from a shortage of pop culture, particularly horror pop culture, U.S. version.

Take the news today:  "A Massive, Black Sarcophagus Has Been Unearthed in Egypt, And Nobody Knows Who's Inside."

Is there any conceivable universe in which this doesn’t end with “the world succumbed to the wrath of Amenhotep”? (who for some reason one of my sons believes is the divinity whose power created the animated mummy we know as Harry Reid.  I keep telling him it was just a pharaoh).

Or at least invaded by vampires, with Brendan Fraser making a last desperate stand somewhere?

And yet, the article linked doesn’t say “and then we covered it up, poured concrete over it to a depth of forty feet and had the priests of all known (and some unknown) religions say blessings over the whole thing so it would stay buried.”

No, instead it reveals they have every intention of “studying” the find.

Seriously, the article says things like this:

…we'll have to wait and see if the identity of the buried Egyptian can be determined. But a sarcophagus of this size could mean someone of pretty high status.

Have they never watched the Mummy movies?

Or at least read The Adversary Cycle by F. Paul Wilson, which starts with the discovery of something mysterious in a tomb.  The something mysterious is the emissary of evil … aliens or elder gods, or whatever you want to call them, who want to subvert our entire reality and turn it into a place fit only for them.

Heck, even my own Sword and Blood starts with the idea of a tomb opened (okay, in Eastern Europe.  I thought Egypt was too passé but you know, reality doesn’t have to be hip) and the king of vampires freed to create new vampires, who slowly take over the world.

And yet the person writing the article is blithely oblivious to the danger in which the world stands.  Witness:

It's a fascinating find for archaeologists. Ayman Ashmawy from the Egypt Ministry of Antiquities says the layer of mortar still intact between the lid and the body of the coffin indicates it hasn't been opened since it was sealed more than 2,000 years ago.

That's particularly rare for a site like this – ancient Egyptian tombs have often been plundered and damaged over the centuries, which means archaeologists rarely find a final resting place that's still intact like this one appears to be.

Fools! Fools, I tell you.  I used to think that the protagonists of horror movies, who blithely go exploring the basement, or climb to the attic tracking a strange noise, were implausible, but obviously, these archeologists are just as blithely self-destructive.