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Unhinged 'Professor' Whose Hissy Fit at NYU Went Viral Turns Out to Be Lobster Porn Artist

 

There are more lifestyles than you can shake a stick at in modern America. Whether you want to live as an animal, or a six-year-old, or a lizard, there's just no end to the choices one can make regarding how you live your life these days in the free world. (This may be our penance for the invention of robot vacuum cleaners. With no physical labor left to do, human beings turn insane, apparently.) How exactly do you tell your parents you've decided to go into "lobster porn" like social media sensation Rebecca Goyette, whose expletive-filled hissy fit outside NYU went viral (NSFW). I imagine the conversation went something like this via email.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I know you had high hopes that I would take my art degree and perhaps teach children to paint or create beautiful landscapes to sell to tourists in some tropical location, but none of that is going to happen. I wanted you to know your money was well spent because I have found a niche in the performance art community: Lobster porn. 

What is lobster porn? I sew massive lobster claws onto my hands and flop around on the floor pretending to have sex with men wearing giant cloth penises I made with that sewing machine you bought me for Christmas. It's groundbreaking stuff. The Huffington Post even reported on it (seriously) in its art section. I'm a success! Please tell Grandma!

When I'm not doing crustacean kink, I'm writing and starring in satanic porn films about the Salem witch trials (since great great great great great Grandma Rebecca Nurse was horribly murdered by Puritans and generations later I'm still haunted by it because everyone in art school is really impressed by my trauma). The fact that I've turned to satanism and witchcraft should in no way cause anyone concern that our great relative might have actually been a witch. It's just a coincidence. 

Anyway, love you to pieces. Sending photos from my last art show where I displayed a painting of a bound Donald Trump getting his penis cut off with shears. Please send money...this penis fabric is really expensive!

Toodles!

Rebecca

In the viral video she can be heard shouting at the police that they should be beating up "neo-Nazis" (instead of protecting Gavin McInnes [who was speaking at an event] from the fascists in the crowd who pepper-sprayed him in the face).

Repeatedly during the video, Goyette claimed to be a professor. What's funny about that is the minute she said it, the entire Twitterverse collectively nodded and thought, "Of course she is." So imagine our surprise when an investigation discovered she was not a professor but is, in fact, a "lobster porn" performance "artist." If you've never heard of lobster porn, I beg you not to Google it like I did. I saw things that can't be unseen and believe me, I wish I hadn't.

Transgender Man Has Ears and Nose Removed to Become Dragon Lady

Like most performance art, Goyette's performances and artwork are incoherent, ridiculous, offensive, and utter garbage. Predictably, the Huffington Post featured her in their art section as someone doing something we should all know about, and not someone who should be incarcerated in a mental institution for the rest of her natural life. In the article, "Why Porn is The Perfect Weapon to Fight Hatred, Fear, and Trump," Goyette's movie "Ghost Bitch USA" is highly praised. I'll spare you the details, but it involves castrating Donald Trump with gardening shears and a lot of weird penis costumes.

 

“I wanted to do a complete domination of Trump, where everything he’s said about women I could throw back at him,” Goyette said. She ties him up, squirts breast milk on him, and cuts off his penis with garden shears. She gives herself an abortion and makes Trump lick the baby. A guest ghost hailing from Mexico pays tribute to Trump’s heinous Cinco de Mayo tweet, shoving a taco bowl in his face.

Her parents must be proud. But perhaps the best part of the interview in HuffPo was this gem:

Goyette views this fantastical revenge sequence as a crusade for free speech, an American right Trump has already threatened throughout the election process.

This is the same woman who stood outside NYU while Gavin McInnes was going to exercise his free speech rights, and screamed at cops for not beating him up to stop him. You can see her for yourself demanding that McInnes' free speech be taken away and justifying violence against him and anyone else she deems a "Nazi." This mindset has played out over the entire country for months now where anyone wearing a Trump hat within striking distance of protestors has been pepper-sprayed, chased, and assaulted on camera. The riots at Berkeley recently saw people on the ground being beaten with metal flag poles by the "love trumps hate" crowd. Considering the word "Nazi" has been so overused lately, it's difficult to tell what it even means anymore, but it's becoming clear that to the unhinged it simply means "anyone who voted for Trump." If the concern really was about supremacy, I would expect them to be just as angry every time Black Lives Matter held a meeting, or the Black Panthers, or La Raza (literally translated to mean "The Race"). But the only supremacists these people seem to care to stop are white supremacists (or who they claim are white supremacists but who actually might just turn out to be people who disagree with them on taxes).

For argument's sake, let's say that Gavin McInnes is a white supremacist (which he doesn't appear to be). So what? Why does that mean he can't speak in America? Louis Farrakhan speaks every week in America with some of the most racist crap you ever heard. No one is trying to punch him in the face, nor should they! If a KKK member hurts someone physically, you arrest him and try him and put him in jail. But if a KKK member wants to have a rally and speak at a podium, you let him because this is America. And if you don't like it, you don't get to pepper-spray him in the face and crow about your self-righteousness and piety. That makes you worse than the KKK member because you escalated words to violence. You became the thing you claim to hate. The appropriate response to speech you don't like is more speech that you do like. So you hold your own rally to disavow what that awful Klan member said. You don't set a university on fire and force a gay Jew like Milo Yiannopoulos to be escorted to safety in Kevlar while beating up people who came to hear him speak. (Coincidentally, the Nazis would have killed Milo quickly. Gay, Jewish and mouthy as hell, he wouldn't have lasted a week in Nazi Germany. Calling him a "Nazi" is highly insulting to everyone with a functioning frontal lobe.)

Rebbeca Goyette and everyone else who is suffering from the same mental disorder which allows them to rationalize violence against one group of people who don't agree ideologically with them are the very fascists they claim to disavow. I'm very glad this country wasn't turned over to them and hopefully never will be.