Entertainers Have Shorter Lifespans

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This year has been a strange one in terms of celebrity behavior, some of which was concerning if not entirely disturbing, and apparently contagious as well. Examples of skin selfies and exchanges that were once considered private are posted all over the internet. Active participants are all ages, shapes and sizes: beware the visuals of regular people (generally females) sharing their cups overflowing or unsuspecting panties being eaten alive by a ravenous pair of robust cheeks. Who’d have guessed that plumber’s crack would be exalted to such artistic (albeit unsavory) exhibitionist displays?

Yet for some unknowable reason, fans can’t seem to get enough lifestyle advice from entertainers, emulating even the most bizarre spectacles, especially when it comes to diet and beauty.

Female celebs in particular offer infinite health counsel for the masses. And women of all walks eat it up, the more peculiar, the better. Such odd “healthy” behaviors include January Jones ingesting her own dried and encapsulated placenta or Lady Gaga touting her revolutionary “Hangover Diet” consisting of nothing but whiskey… Then of course there is the explosive “Fermented Foods Diet” that Madonna uses to keep her colon free from debris. Sounds delicious.

My beef is that they present themselves as healthy and speak as such, yet I would suggest that few of them are truly the paragon of female health. Because despite having an arsenal of professional advisors and unlimited resources and products at the ready, entertainers are still at greater risk for reduced life expectancy.

Perhaps holding the line of unachievable beauty coupled with willingness to do anything to remain youthful may bear some blame. This would include Kim Kardashian’s recent admission that she’s cut back on smiles to avoid wrinkles.  Someone please explain to her that smiling increases one’s health and beauty while being smug does not. (A brief article on the inward and outward benefits of smiling can be viewed here.)

A study of 1,000 obituaries in New York City between 2009 and 2011 showed that on average, entertainers (including actors, singer, dancers, musicians and athletes) live nearly six years less than people with business, military, and political careers. This was surprising as I previously associated the latter professions with higher stress levels and consequently less than optimal health.

Even celebrity fitness gurus can get “healthy” wrong. Recently, I was in the bookstore flipping through a Jillian Michaels lifestyle book. In this particular book, Michaels pens half a page on the toxicity of sweeteners yet she has Botox injected into her armpits to keep from sweating. Geez. You’d think trapping sweat in the body would be more toxic than consuming a packet of Splenda.

In 2014, Cameron Diaz launched her well-pressed The Body Book. I have to admit here that she was the closest thing I had to a celebrity idol. We have the same tall, athletic (read: boyish) body type and she’s not afraid to be dorky, which I appreciate. Remember the “hair gel” scene in There’s Something About Mary? I saw that movie on a first date with a guy who was laughing so hard that I thought he was choking. Miss Diaz is one of the few female entertainers capable of delivering at least one good spectator snort in her romantic comedy roles.

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The Body Book is an estrogen-fueled declaration of self-acceptance in which Diaz encourages readers to love the shell they live in, with both its grand capabilities and obvious imperfections, as is, etc. etc. The book is beautifully photographed, positive and motivating. It is also thoroughly hypocritical because prior to her written liturgy regarding body love, Diaz surgically enhanced her body.

When I first saw her new additions in an beachy bikini shot, I was crushed. For admittedly selfish reasons, I was hoping Diaz would continue to proudly wave the IBTC flag (if you do not know what this is, then don’t ask). But disappointingly, she is no longer a bastion for petite pacifiers… or even a good example of loving one’s body for what it is despite what it isn’t.

So, dear lovely lady entertainers… due to the fact that I’m poised to outlive you by approximately six years in addition to your errors and hypocrisy regarding beneficial beauty behavior, please kindly spare me the healthy living advice in 2015.