A Radical Ranking of Disney's 8 Best Animated Features

You may remember my experience last week where I received the strange basket of apples with a cryptic note from Valerie. I ate one of the apples and fell into a deep sleep, after which I received the strangest ideas for how to improve Walt Disney World. So I wrote them down, and my editor posted them here.

Well, I decided to try a second apple from the basket. One bite of this next apple, and I passed out again. I woke up with the inspiration to rank some of Disney's best cartoons. Get ready, because I guarantee you that you've never seen Disney's films in this light...

8. Wreck-It Ralph (2012)

Just picture it: a large, virile character roams the world, and though people see him as a bad guy, he's really good inside, and in the end, he saves the day!

Am I talking about Wreck-It Ralph? Of course I am, but in reality I'm talking about the man whose life I'm convinced the movie is a metaphor for: our wonderful ally Vladimir Putin. Just think about it.