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Black-Market Disney Tour Guides: How the Uber-Rich Avoid Long Lines

Crowds wait to enter the Magic Kingdom on October 1, 2011, the 40th Anniversary of Walt Disney World's opening. Crowds wait to enter the Magic Kingdom on October 1, 2011, the 40th anniversary of Walt Disney World's opening.

The Post even attempted to contact the couple who runs the racket -- I mean, tour guide company:

Ryan Clement runs Dream Tours Florida with girlfriend Jacie Christiano, whom the rich Manhattan mom indicated was her family’s guide.

Clement denied that his gal pal uses her disability to bypass lines. He said she has an auto-immune disorder and acknowledged that she uses a scooter on the job.

Dr. Wednesday Martin, author and social anthropologist, shed light on the black-market tour guide phenomenon:

“It’s insider knowledge that very few have and share carefully,” said social anthropologist Dr. Wednesday Martin, who caught wind of the underground network while doing research for her upcoming book “Primates of Park Avenue.”

“Who wants a speed pass [sic] when you can use your black-market handicapped guide to circumvent the lines all together?” she said.

“So when you’re doing it, you’re affirming that you are one of the privileged insiders who has and shares this information.”

Don't get me wrong: I love capitalism. You won't see me in a Guy Fawkes mask with Mickey ears or leading a protest at Occupy Epcot. Bless these folks' hearts for trying to make a living. What I have a problem with is taking advantage of run-of-the-mill tourists who just want to enjoy their Disney World vacation. And I don't begrudge the clients for their wealth, either. It's their snobbery and willingness to flaunt the queues at the parks that make me so angry.

Oh, and by the way: you can go to Disney World without a tour concierge. Millions of people do it every year. But, if you insist on having one, Disney can provide it for you. Disney's VIP Tours cost up to $380 an hour, and celebrities, heads of state, and dignitaries who require more security take advantage of this program.

Crazy as it may sound, waiting in line is part of the experience at Walt Disney World. These kids are missing out on the fun, interactive elements at some attractions along with a chance at family conversation, but they're also avoiding one crucial lesson: that things won't always go your way.