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7 Laws for Public Decency When I Rule the World

6. Muffin-tops belong on muffins

There's nothing more appetizing than a muffin-top in your face, right? It's true that many eating establishments have bad outfits they force waitresses to wear, but is there a law against buying the right size short-shorts so your belly doesn't hang over the waistband? What about a longer shirt? Who started this craze? Ladies, here's a clue. Muffin-tops are not attractive. I have one, most anyone who has had a baby has one, but please, let's cover that up in public, mmm-kay? This poor girl is actually quite attractive from behind until your eye hits the excess flesh spilling over the shorts. This is why God created Spanx. Buy some.