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5 Reasons Star Wars Actually Sucks

THE DIRECTOR

George Lucas is a plastic toy manufacturer who makes mediocre movies on the side.

He is the Ringo Starr of the “Easy Riders and Raging Bulls” who put the “New” in “New Hollywood” back in the 1970s.

Compared to Spielberg, Scorsese, and Coppola, however, Lucas’s film oeuvre is nothing but juvenilia, from American Graffiti to Star Wars to... well, he’s never made anything else.

It’s like his career has the opposite of Progeria.

It’s not just that George Lucas has the kind of face you just want to punch, although that doesn't help.

In what must be a unique phenomenon even within the complex and mysterious ecosystem of fandom, even Star Wars fans hate George Lucas.

(A note to those of you fond of tossing around the glib expression "George Lucas raped my childhood": unless it also contains the words "stepfather," "Catholic priest," or "Jerry Sandusky,"' you don't actually get to use the words "raped" and "my childhood" in a sentence, m'kay? Please get another First World problem.)