The Top Five Reasons To Be a Commie Pinko
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Communism gets a bad rap, what with the 80 million or so murders, give or take 10 million, perpetrated by Communists worldwide. But hey, it’s for the greater good, don’t-ya-know. In spite of its gruesome history, Communist ideology is still going strong in American culture. That’s because there are compelling reasons to be a Communist that overshadow most people’s fear of being dragged out of their home in the middle of the night for no reason, put in a work camp that will likely kill them, or having to boil their children in pots and eat them just to survive. Pshaw! That will never happen here!
Here are the top 5 reasons it’s good to be a Commie.
Reason #1: Free Stuff!
This is by far the best reason to be a Communist. You never, ever have to buy anything for yourself or your family ever again. Anything available to be given, you will get, especially if you have some political pull, but even if you don’t, your basic life needs will be taken care of by the state. Probably. Especially after they implement that next 5-year plan.
Need an apartment? It’s free! Never mind you have to share it with 20 smelly strangers -- because ... wow! You don’t have to pay for it! Need food? That’s free too! And all of it organically grown (because pesticides were thrown out with the first cost cuts). Need a new pair of shoes? As soon as the shoe factory produces some, you’ll get a pair! Who cares how long you have to wait. Medical care, education, even transportation -- all free!!
Holy cow! That’s awesome! See what I’m talking about? How could you turn that down?
Click NEXT to see Reason #2 why it's good to be a Commie...
Reason #2: Really Cool Propaganda Art
Communists have produced some of the most stirring and totally cool graphic art ever designed. You really have to hand it to them. They expertly combine coolness with abstract philosophy, which is no mean feat, making them masters at manipulating human emotion through propaganda. Why are Communists so good at this? Probably because reason doesn’t work in their case; they HAVE to appeal to your emotions; and boy, do they ever! By just looking at one of these posters you are immediately brainwashed; and your cool quotient goes up by at least 25%.
Click NEXT to see Reasons #3, 4, & 5 why it's good to be a Commie...
Reason #3: Easy Disposal of Your Enemies
Is a neighbor bothering you with his overly perfect lawn? Did a coworker best you in a meeting the other day? Did some chick stab you in the back at your birthday party when all you wanted was to be friends, which made you cry and throw cake at her which freaked out all your other friends who then didn’t talk to you for the rest of the year? Well under Communism, you don’t have to take that s*it. Just report to the authorities that your enemy was complaining about the government, and voila! Problem solved.
Reason #4: Baryshnikov
Reason #5: Being a Rebel WITH a Cause Is Good for Your Pathetic Self Esteem
Everyone knows there’s a name for being rebellious just for the sake of being rebellious, and it’s douchebag.
Embracing Communism is like a soothing balm to the psychology that needs to rebel. If your cushy suburban upbringing where you shamefully got everything your little spoiled heart desired, while you were simultaneously pumped full of the ideology of self-sacrifice, has left you riddled with confusion, doubt, guilt, and a wicked entitlement complex, which permanently stunted you at the age of 13 with all the conflicting and angsty emotions that implies, in order to feel “okay” you either need a raging drug or alcohol addiction, or you need to rebel against THE WHOLE WORLD. However, in order to avoid being ridiculed by all the non-loser people on Earth and the likelihood of an eventual suicide, you need a righteous cause, dude!
If you lived in a Communist dictatorship, you could become a capitalist. In America, you have to become a Communist to experience the same joy of counter-culture rebellion where you can take all your victim issues out on everybody else but appear as if you just “care about people." It’s incredibly satisfying. Like taking a big dump.
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