The Top Five Reasons To Be a Commie Pinko
Reason #3: Easy Disposal of Your Enemies
Is a neighbor bothering you with his overly perfect lawn? Did a coworker best you in a meeting the other day? Did some chick stab you in the back at your birthday party when all you wanted was to be friends, which made you cry and throw cake at her which freaked out all your other friends who then didn’t talk to you for the rest of the year? Well under Communism, you don’t have to take that s*it. Just report to the authorities that your enemy was complaining about the government, and voila! Problem solved.
Reason #4: Baryshnikov
Reason #5: Being a Rebel WITH a Cause Is Good for Your Pathetic Self Esteem
Everyone knows there’s a name for being rebellious just for the sake of being rebellious, and it’s douchebag.
Embracing Communism is like a soothing balm to the psychology that needs to rebel. If your cushy suburban upbringing where you shamefully got everything your little spoiled heart desired, while you were simultaneously pumped full of the ideology of self-sacrifice, has left you riddled with confusion, doubt, guilt, and a wicked entitlement complex, which permanently stunted you at the age of 13 with all the conflicting and angsty emotions that implies, in order to feel “okay” you either need a raging drug or alcohol addiction, or you need to rebel against THE WHOLE WORLD. However, in order to avoid being ridiculed by all the non-loser people on Earth and the likelihood of an eventual suicide, you need a righteous cause, dude!
If you lived in a Communist dictatorship, you could become a capitalist. In America, you have to become a Communist to experience the same joy of counter-culture rebellion where you can take all your victim issues out on everybody else but appear as if you just “care about people." It’s incredibly satisfying. Like taking a big dump.
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