Somali Government Plans to Stimulate Economy by Burning Down Remaining Unburnt Villages
“Some villages have been untouched in all our troubles. That could be what is causing de poverty. If we burn remaining unburnt villages, it will force people to build anew, which will force them to hire grass cutters and mud brick makers who will then have gold to spend. If we take all their remaining food, that will make work for hunters and gatherers, who will also then have gold to spend. From there it is snowball.” Says General Koosh. “I will tell you truth, some in my Parliament say it won’t work, that I should instead try to promote business…by stopping the looting and the taxing, and, maybe, property ownership or something like that. But no! New York Times is clear. It is not d’businessmen who cause gold to be made, it is consumers.”
The plan is daring and risky. The trick is for the Somali citizen to work hard very quickly to collect more food before they die of starvation. If they can manage to do that the plan might just work, causing a spike of full employment.
There was no comment from the President of Somalia, Islamic cleric Sharif Sheikh Ahmed. It is widely known that Ahmed does not control every corner of Somalia. But it remains to be seen if General Koosh’s plan works, whether Sharif Sheikh Ahmed will follow suit in the areas he controls. A source close to the President, who requested to remain anonymous, told this reporter that he believed Ahmed has already implemented a similar plan.
Disclaimer: This is satire. All interviews, speculations, quotes, and exclamations were obtained in the 4th dimension, in the world of what might have been. It is not to be regarded as a reflection of what any actual, 1st dimension, i.e., reality right now, people or persons said in real life, for real. In other words, it’s all fake.
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