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Become a Successful Stand-Up Comic Using this Weird Old Secret!

F. Scott Fitzgerald was so very, very wrong

In America, there are way too many second acts.

Last week we learned that both Rosanne Barr and Rosie O'Donnell are getting new TV shows.

Yes, that is the same Rosanne "Behead the Rich" Barr who -- among many other screw-ups too numerous to mention -- once called African-Americans "ignorant."

And yes, that is the same Rosie "Ching Chong" O'Donnell who pretended to be a kindly, craft-y, lovable heterosexual on her last show, then ran one of the nation's oldest magazines into the ground and reinvented herself as an angry radical lesbian.

Can anyone explain to me the mysterious alchemy by which, once having become famous, one can never become un-famous? (And please go the hell away.)

This never used to be the case. Once upon a time, Albert Schweitzer and Enrico Caruso were world renowned, their names bywords for greatness. Today their celebrity currency is worth next to nothing.

On the other hand, I have a feeling people will still be chattering about Paris Hilton two hundred years from now.

Anyway: it's too easy to blame the very existence of these two new shows on "Hollywood stupidity" alone. American women watch The View day in and day out; there's clearly a lucrative market for stupid, annoying females on television.

And finally: why Adam Carolla will crush the competition...