National Taste Test Results: Rich People Most Delicious When Cooked in Texas Style BBQ
A judge from the taste test, Jenny Logan, said she was not surprised:
Americans love their barbeque. The other dishes, while tasty, were either a little too sophisticated for the general American palate or, while good, were not the dripping, greasy, deliciousness that was Ike’s entry. All of us judges knew he had a pretty good chance of winning this contest from the first time we tasted it.
Award-winning chef D’MonSocialistee, in the only display of animosity toward the winner, remarked,
You Americans are so stupid. In France we know how to eat the rich. We have been doing it for centuries. We do it with finesse and panache! We have been doing it for a lot longer than you silly Americans, and yet you think your, how do you say, bar-b-cue, is the best way. Ridiculous!
Chef Ike probably explained his win best when he said,
The beauty of my winning entry is that it provides an easy way for people all across America to eat the rich in their own home. Nothin’ fancy, just good ol’ down home barbeque. I think that’s why my entry won.
After the rich are eaten some critics wonder what will the people eat? “Without the rich, who will produce any of the food?” asks philosopher Geoff Wilkenson. “I am concerned that there will eventually be mass starvation resulting in poor people eating poor people, which would be a moral disaster.” And so it would. Thankfully the government is taking these concerns seriously. Washington has ordered that one of every 10 rich be spared and moved into the new CEO gulags where they will be forced to brilliantly execute government plans for food growth and distribution.
Disclaimer: This is satire. All interviews, speculations, quotes, and exclamations were obtained in the 4th dimension, in the world of what might have been. It is not to be regarded as a reflection of what any actual, 1st dimension, i.e., reality right now, people or persons said in real life, for real. In other words, it’s all fake.
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