April 28, 2002

UTHANT.COM unveils a new Middle East Peace PlanTM that, well, is as likely to work as any of the others!

Perhaps the international community wouldn’t be so stumped by the conflict had it bothered to ask Uthant for advice. [It’s not like we weren’t Secretary General of the United Nations for ten years for fuck’s sake.] That being said, here at last is the long un-awaited Uthant Peace Plan:

The Palestinians formally get control of all 2,165 square miles of the West Bank, with full autonomy, open borders, and if it turns out that there are any civil rights that come with being citizens of an Arab nation, they can have those too. It’s up to them. No questions asked.

In return, the Israelis get to take back 20 square miles of land every time an Israeli dies at the hands of a Palestinian. No questions asked.

Christiane Amanpour also comes in for some gratuitous abuse, as do many other major mideast political figures.

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