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AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Popular New Mask Reads ‘I’m Not A Democrat, I Just Forgot To Take Off My Mask When I Left The Store.’

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Minneapolis City Council To Offer Looting Passports.

‘THE MODERATE LEFT IS GONE:’ Republicans line up to condemn Dems’ plan to introduce a bill to pack Supreme Court with four new justices — erasing the GOP majority.

Mondaire Jones [D-NY], who is sponsoring the bill through the House, tweeted: ‘Our democracy is under assault, and the Supreme Court has dealt the sharpest blows. To restore power to the people, we must #ExpandTheCourt.’

He added: ‘Supreme Court expansion is infrastructure.’

Not the Babylon Bee.

UPDATE (FROM GLENN): If it’s “power to the people” we’re concerned about, how about going to an elected Supreme Court?

Or just follow my Supreme Court reform plan.

WAIT, DIDN’T I WRITE THIS BOOK? Satanic Metal Bands For Jesus And Join The Corporate Resistance.  [Video: fun part at 44:14. That’s the “Corporate Resistance” part.]

(The part of the video about Satanist bands for Jesus, I mean. And if you’re really curious, it’s this one. And yes, the sequel will come.  Life has been interesting last few years.)

NOT THE BABYLON BEE: BBC diversity chief says Idris Elba’s Luther character “lacks authenticity.” “He doesn’t have any Black friends, he doesn’t eat any Caribbean food.”

DISPATCHES FROM THE INTERSECTION OF THE EDUCATION APOCALYPSE AND NOT THE BABYLON BEE: Seattle Parents Shocked After Learning Students Will Return To Schools With Homeless Encampments.

It is Seattle after all — should area parents be that shocked?

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: NASA Ends Mars Mission After Finding Out Planet Has No Early Voting.

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: All-Star Game Moved From Atlanta To Uyghur Prison Camp Yard.

A friend comments: “Who knew that people in sports had all the spine and wit of a Faculty Senate?”

UNFORTUNATELY IT SOUNDS ENTIRELY PLAUSIBLE:  NASA Ends Mars Mission After Finding Out Planet Has No Early Voting.

Or perhaps the Babylon Bee is using their time machine to see the future again.

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: In Push For Diversity, Military Canine Units To Give Equal Opportunities To Chihuahuas.

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Powerful: Google Leaves Homepage Empty In Honor Of Jesus’s Empty Tomb.

WHY IS THE MLB PUNISHING A DEMOCRAT-MONOPOLY* CITY? MLB Moving All-Star Game from Atlanta over New Georgia Voting Law.

* So much so that Atlanta’s last Republican mayor left office in 1879.

UPDATE: From America’s Newspaper of Record: Actors Vow To Boycott Georgia And Only Film In The Xinjiang Region Of China.

MORE: Tom Cotton calls out MLB for punishing Georgia over voting law while partnering with communist China.


QUESTION ASKED: Why Can’t the Woke Trans Agenda Leave Star Wars Alone?!

Meanwhile, at America’s Newspaper of Record: Disney Ordered To Pay Reparations To Longtime Star Wars Fans.

THE BABYLON BEE, STILL AMERICA’S PAPER OF RECORD:  Parents Disguising Kids As Illegal Immigrants So They Can Receive In-Person Teaching.

THIS IS CNN: CNN News Writer Denies the Biological Reality of Sex at Birth.

CNN News Article: ‘It’s Not Possible to Know a Person’s Gender Identity at Birth’

In an article reporting on Kristi Noem’s decision to veto the “Fairness in Girls’ Sports” bill, CNN breaking-news reporter Devan Cole claimed yesterday that there’s no way to determine a child’s “gender identity” at birth.

“It’s not possible to know a person’s gender identity at birth, and there is no consensus criteria for assigning sex at birth,” Cole asserted, in a statement better fit for an unhinged opinion article than a news article by a breaking-news reporter.

In fact, as most of us are willing to acknowledge, for all of human history we’ve all relied upon a very simple way of actually knowing sex at birth. The concept of “assigning” sex at birth, far from being based on any “consensus criteria,” is a progressive invention designed to inculcate new parents into believing that a child’s biological sex and gender are sometimes, or even often, misaligned, and that it would be damaging to them to merely accept the reality of their biology at birth.

Cole has more to offer in this vein, critiquing two orders that Noem signed in an effort to require that biologically male athletes and biologically female athletes compete against others of their own sex:

Or as America’s Newspaper of Record puts it: CNN Says There Is No Biological Difference Between An Apple And A Banana.

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Sesame Street Introduces ‘Todd’, A White Male Muppet Who Is Blamed For Everything.

ACTUALLY, THIS HEADLINE IS TOTALLY BELIEVABLE: Blockage Cleared, Ships Moving At Record Speed As Chick-Fil-A Workers Put In Charge Of Suez Canal.

THE BEE IS SAVAGE: 15-Year-Old Boys’ Soccer Team Demands Equal Pay For Beating U.S. Women’s Team.

And it’s a joke, except not really: FC Dallas under-15 boys squad beat the U.S. Women’s National Team in a scrimmage. 5-2.

IN NEW YORK, SCRAPPY LOCAL NEWSPAPER ATTACKS AMERICA’S PAPER OF RECORD: The New York Times Attacks the Babylon Bee Once Again, Probably Now Wishes They Hadn’t.

(Classical allusion in headline.)

HIT BACK TWICE AS HARD: Defamation? Babylon Bee Is Considering Legal Options to Counter NYT Cheap Shot.

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Instead Of Traditional Warfare, Chinese Military Will Now Be Trained To Shout Wrong Pronouns At American Troops.

AMERICA’S PAPER OF RECORD: Biden Suspected Of Contributing To Border Crisis By Hanging Signs Saying ‘Free Stuff, Come On In.’

AMERICA’S PAPER OF RECORD:  Exclusive Interview With President Biden’s Secret Service Agent.

(Yes, it’s the Bee.)

AMERICA’S PAPER OF RECORD: Party That Screamed About Fascism For Last Four Years Cheers As Military Attacks Journalist.

AT LAST! THE KINDER, GENTLER MILITARY WE NEED:  New M1 Abrams Tanks To Come Equipped With Changing Tables.

Yes, it’s the bee. But in every way they’re more and more America’s paper of record under the Biden Junta.

IT’S SORT OF SATIRE, BUT NOT FOR LONG AT THIS RATE: Powerful: Military To Allow Troops To Replace Camo With Colors Of Their Gender Identity Flag.

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Surviving WW2 Veteran Recounts Harrowing Story Of The Lack Of Trans Representation On D-Day.

AMERICA’S PAPER OF RECORD: New York Times: ‘Journalists Should Be Able To Destroy People’s Lives Without Fear Of Harassment.’ Or anyone disagreeing with them in any way.

KURT SCHLICTER: The Emperor Is Naked and Senile Too.

So, how does this go? How does this all play out?

You’d think, if you have ignored the last couple decades of American culture, that those close to Joe Biden who care more about Joe Biden’s dignity and welfare than their own selfish interests, would act to conclude this shameful tableau. But there are no people close to Joe Biden who care more about Joe Biden’s dignity than their own selfish interests, so they’ll all try to ride this elderly nag until he drops. Maybe literally. But to get them to act voluntarily, he’ll have to be in a coma – well, more of one than usual – before the refs call the 25th Amendment penalty and send Sleepy Joe back to Delaware and his friend Nutsy the Squirrel, who lives in the sycamore in the backyard and sometimes talks to him.

Likely, at some point, the rest of the elite will decide that the masquerade has gone as far as it can and the ruling caste no longer benefits by pretending Ole Gropey is A-OK. The elite is ruthless when it senses one of its own has outlived his usefulness – remember Emmy-winning American hero Andrew Cuomo? He’s toast, and his girl-grabbing wasn’t even near as gross as Grandpa Badfinger’s antics. Oh, and Cuomo killed a few thousand normal people but hey, he made some liberal women who knowingly hung out with male Democrat politicians uncomfortable and that’s convenient for getting him out of the way, so sayonara, sucker.

Or as America’s Newspaper of Record describes the moment: Heroic Secret Service Agent Dives In Front Of Biden As Reporter Tries To Ask A Question.

In any case, think of Biden as the lame opening act for: Kamalamania: prepare for President Harris.

AND THE HITS JUST KEEP ON COMING: Gov. Cuomo allegedly reached under aide’s blouse and groped her: report.

UPDATE: America’s Newspaper of Record puts the above headline and Cuomo’s earlier #metoo headlines into sharp perspective: 10,000th Victim Comes Forward To Accuse Cuomo Of Inappropriately Killing Her Grandma.

TECHNICALLY, THIS IS SATIRE: Meghan Markle Inspires Millions Of Young Girls With Message That No Matter How Famous, Rich, And Powerful They Are, They Will Always Be Oppressed.

Welcome to the 21st Century, where even a literal duchess can be “oppressed.”

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: After Long Day Of Burning Books, Progressive Unwinds By Calling People Nazis.

BIDEN HOPES TO BE THE FIRST AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMAN PRESIDENT: Looks like Babylon Bee has some competition. Check out Nod Daily, from Reformation Charlotte.

THAT’S NOT FUNNY: So This Conservative Comic Goes on Social Media and… “Openly conservative stand-up Nick Di Paolo got suspended from YouTube for supposedly sharing false information, after ridiculing the left’s exaggerations of the virus in attacking President Trump. Comedian Chrissie Mayr’s video mocking China’s handling of COVID-19 — ‘Kung Flu Fighting’ — was erased by Instagram, which deemed it ‘hate speech’ despite featuring a diverse lineup of comics. The Babylon Bee, the right’s online answer to the satirical site The Onion, has been at war with Facebook for years. The social media giant intermittently threatens to de-platform the site for spoof articles that moderators apparently take seriously, such as its 2018 report that CNN had purchased industrial-sized washing machines to better ‘spin’ the news.”

DON SURBER: Sidney Poitier: Enemy of the People. “The problem with Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? is it stars Sidney Poitier. He’s too white.”

Back in the early ’90s, ABC did a — really good — docudrama on the Brown case called Separate But Equal. It closely tracks Richard Kluger’s Simple Justice, an oral history of the case done while the major figures were still alive. My old lawprof and mentor Charles Black (who wrote the brief with Thurgood Marshall in the case) was still alive then, and we talked about it on the phone after we’d watched it. Charlie’s comment: “They got Sidney Poitier to play Thurgood, and then they got some S.O.B. that looked just like me.” I show the film in class sometimes, as its treatment of the legal issues is shockingly good for a movie, much less a TV movie.

The DVD is $59.99 on Amazon, which is a lot more than I remember. I wonder if that’s in anticipation of Poitier being cancelled as insufficiently black. It would be hilarious, except that mass hysteria on the part of people running all our major institutions isn’t actually funny. “Liberals now make the same argument the Ku Klux Klan did in denying the civil war was about slavery. Demoting Poitier to Stepin Fetchit status should serve as a warning not just to Will Smith and Obama, but to all black people. You may not be next, but you are on the list.”

Related: Study Finds Book Burners Always Stop With Just A Few Fringe Books, So There’s Nothing To Worry About.

UPDATE: And the price keeps rising! I think when I bought it a few years ago it was $14.99. (Bumped).

EVERGREEN HEADLINE FOR THE 21st CENTURY: I can’t believe this is not satire. But this is not satire. They’re really doing this. “Yes, this a real product. Yeah. It’s a ridiculous-looking Groucho-style air filter you wear over your schnoz all day long. So that the air you breathe in through your nose is cleaner and less virus-y. Because nowadays everything is trying to kill you, remember?”

The above link goes to Not the Bee — because in 2021, even the Babylon Bee’s satire can’t keep up with how crazy reality has become.



Florida’s and South Dakota’s recent economic reopenings, engineered by popular Republican governors, preceded Texas’s without inspiring it. Reopening was coming anyway to Texas and its diversified, if pandemically pinched, economy. Immediately upon Abbott’s March 2 announcement neighboring Louisiana announced major loosening of its restrictions, and nearby Mississippi declared itself open for business. The loosening goes on even in Massachusetts, where Gov. Charlie Baker has opened restaurants to full capacity. Montana and Iowa have abolished face-mask requirements. This unmasking business has legs, whether the experts like it or not.

The love of democratic citizens for experts shouldn’t be overestimated. The nature of democracy is preference for or deference to popular wisdom, however unwise that wisdom may prove in action. It’s been a long time since this pandemic started. People are tired. People want to see, and relate to, each other. That’s human nature. The human nature-affirmers like Greg Abbott, with a little luck and sense of timing, are likely to come out way ahead of their castigators and vilifiers, Robert Francis (Beto) O’Rourke conspicuously included.

That’s all well and good, but leave it to America’s Newspaper of Record to suss out what Abbott is really up to: Texas Removes Mask Mandate To Scare All The Californians Away.

THE NEW YORK TIMES IS LOOKING FOR A DEPUTY OPINION EDITOR: For the sake of genuine diversity, I hope Ed Driscoll, Sarah Hoyt and Mark Tapscott will apply.

The NYT’s job description editor has a real sense of irony given the NYT’s now run by a cabal of woke scolds. Here’s one of the paragraphs describing the top talent the paper seeks.

We’re looking for an editor with a sense of humor and a spine of steel, a confident point of view and an open mind, an appetite for risk and exacting standards for excellence in writing and visual presentation. We’re looking for someone who wants to grow big ideas to make the world a better place, and to have fun doing it.

No, I don’t think this is Babylon Bee satire. Suggest you read the other verbiage — some of it is even funnier.

PUPPETS ON A STRING: ‘We Don’t Like Cuomo Now,’ Says Every Late-Night Host In Perfect Robotic Unison.

They really are such tools. And such obvious tools at that.

IMPRESSIVE: Twitch kicks off ‘Womxn’s History Month’ by inclusively pissing off everyone (including trans women).

Today marks the first day of Women’s History Month.


If you’re woke, like gamer livestreaming platform Twitch, you know that March is all about celebrating womxn:

Twitch since deleted the tweet after a spectacular ratio, as their archived page on the Internet Wayback machine illustrates:

They’ve since issued a groveling apology to the Twitter outrage mob:

Meanwhile, at America’s Newspaper of Record: Women’s History Month Canceled For Implying There Is Such A Thing As ‘Women.’

GO BEHIND THE SCENES AT AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Take The Babylon Bee’s Anti-Racism Corporate Training.

The Bee knows its staffers are quite busy, so it’s surprisingly fast.

NEW YORK TIMES REPORTER DONALD MCNEIL SAYS PAPER TWISTED HIS ARM INTO RESIGNING. Times executive editor Dean Baquet said privately McNeil wasn’t a racist.

The Medium post also suggests that the New York Times union was unwilling to defend McNeil. The union “was deeply split over my case,” McNeil said, so “I decided I needed my own lawyer.” As the Washington Free Beacon reported last month, the union even exploited U.S. labor law to up the pressure on McNeil.

While McNeil said he still considers Baquet a friend, he had harsher words for Charlotte Behrendt, the human resources official who oversaw the investigation into his conduct. “She makes the Times newsroom more like North Korea every day,” he said in a follow-up Medium post, quoting an email he had sent to a friend.

Behrendt herself had used the n-word while grilling McNeil about the Peru incident. “I flinched a little as she said it,” McNeil said, recounting a meeting at which he and Bill Baker, the New York Times union chair, were present. “[M]ostly because Bill, who was sitting next to me, is black.”

Neither Baquet nor Behrendt responded to requests for comment.

McNeil’s Medium articles (which I assume are the first draft of a memoir in progress) are well worth your time – they read like watching a car crash happen in very slow motion, including this moment:

As I remember it, Dean started off by saying “Donald, you had a great year — you really owned the story of the pandemic….”

As soon as I realized he was talking in the past tense, I became tense and started taking notes.

“Donald, I know you,” he went on. “I know you’re not a racist. We’re going ahead with your Pulitzer. We’re writing to the board telling them we looked into this two years ago.”

“But Donald, you’ve lost the newsroom. People are hurt. People are saying they won’t work with you because you didn’t apologize.”

“I did write an apology,” I said. “I sent it to you Friday night. I sent another paragraph on Saturday morning. Didn’t you get it?”

Dean didn’t answer.

“I saw it,” Carolyn said.

“But Donald,” Dean said, “you’ve lost the newsroom. A lot of your colleagues are hurt. A lot of them won’t work with you. Thank you for writing the apology. But we’d like you to consider adding to it that you’re leaving.”

“WHAT?” I said loudly. “ARE YOU KIDDING? You want me to leave after 40-plus years? Over this? You know this is bullshit. You know you looked into it and I didn’t do the things they said I did, I wasn’t some crazy racist, I was just answering the kids’ questions.”

“Donald, you’ve lost the newsroom. People won’t work with you.”

“What are you talking about?” I said. “Since when do we get to choose who we work with?”

“Donald, you’ve had a great year, you’re still up for a Pulitzer.”

The problem of course wasn’t that McNeil “lost the newsroom” suddenly – Baquet never had control over its staffers during his run as editor – which some are speculating will end next year.

McNeil’s Medium articles are also a vivid reminder of who America’s true Newspaper of Record is, these days:

NOT THE BABYLON BEE: This woman was refused service at a grocery store for not wearing a mask so she did what any normal human being would do and took off her underwear to use as a mask.

The 21st century is not turning out as I had hoped, to coin an Insta-phrase.

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Middle Easterners Begin Painting Transgender Flag Colors On Doorposts To Avoid Biden Drone Strikes.

But will that be effective against America’s increasingly woke armed forces?

IT’S COME TO THIS: Middle Easterners Begin Painting Transgender Flag Colors On Doorposts To Avoid Biden Drone Strikes.

TRUNALIMUNUMAPRZURE! House Dems Want Biden’s Finger Off the Nuclear Button.



America’s Newspaper of Record brings you tomorrow’s news today!


CANCEL CULTURE COMES FOR KERMIT: It’s Getting Harder Being Green. As John Hinderaker writes, “The truth is, it is harder being normal. The forces of authoritarianism have come for, of all things, the Muppets. I did not speak out, because I wasn’t a Muppet…But seriously: Disney has gone stark, raving mad:”

Anyone who streams “The Muppet Show” on Disney+ will see a disclaimer first — warning of “offensive content.”
The disclaimer shown prior to each episode warns viewers that the show features “stereotypes” and “mistreatment of people or cultures.”

“This program includes negative depictions and/or mistreatment of people or cultures. These stereotypes were wrong then and are wrong now,” the disclaimer states.

“Rather than remove this content, we want to acknowledge its harmful impact, learn from it and spark conversation to create a more inclusive future together,” the disclaimer says.

Or as America’s Newspaper of Record puts it: Disney Warns Viewers That The Muppet Show Is From A Different Era When Comedy Was Culturally Acceptable.

DEAR BABYLON BEE, STOP PUBLISHING TOMORROW’S NEWS TODAY:  Bill Gates Warns Of The Sacrifices We’ll Have To Make In Stirring Speech Given From His 650 Million Dollar Super Yacht.

Or at least let us have the time machine. We want to go back to 2000. We have plans. So many plans.*

*We promise not to blend any past-puppies. Or step on butterflies.**

** We might be lying about the butterflies, but seriously. How could 2020 get any worse?

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Help Is On The Way: John Kerry Personally Warms Texas By Flying Private Jet Around.

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Biden Announces Ambitious Goal Of $100 Per Gallon Gas By End Of First 100 Days In Office.

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Media Informs Ted Cruz You Can Only Travel During A Crisis If You’re A Democrat.

To be fair though, it was one helluva trip!



As it turns out, this reflex is Psaki’s primary means of dispensing with questions to which she has no answers. When the GameStop story was dominating the news cycle, a reporter asked whether the White House was concerned about the stock-market activity and whether there had been conversations with the Securities and Exchange Commission on the subject.

“Well, I’m also happy to repeat that we have the first female Treasury secretary and a team that’s surrounding her and often questions about markets,” Psaki replied. “We’ll send [you] to them.”

No further explanation was forthcoming. We were meant to be contented with the irrelevant reminder that Treasury secretary Janet Yellen was selected for her post according to the eminently progressive criterion of her gender.

Just yesterday, taking questions from Twitter for a video response, Psaki did it again when one user inquired about what President Biden is doing for small businesses.

“First and foremost, he nominated a woman to lead the Small Business Administration, who formerly worked there,” she responded, as if the gender of the SBA chief has anything remotely to do with whether the administration has plans to address the concerns of small businesses.

In the meantime though, Psaki’s schtick is great fodder of America’s Newspaper of Record: Journalists Cheer As Jen Psaki Announces The Gulags Will Be Run By A Woman Of Color.

As CNN would say, (“(How Refreshing).”

NOT THE BABYLON BEE: Lulu the border collie just inherited $5 million and is living her best life.

JAMES MEIGS: Trust, But Verify, the Science.

But the people promoting transgender athletes aren’t really basing their views on science. They are expressing a value—that transgender people should be fully accepted—and then recruiting “science” to give that moral sentiment some extra weight. Values like tolerance are wonderful things, but they aren’t science. Science describes the world as it is, not as someone thinks it should be. Lately, some transgender advocates have gone beyond simply claiming science is on their side and have tried to bully scientists into agreement. Abigail Shrier’s book Irreversible Damage reveals how activists have worked to silence and banish medical experts whose research doesn’t support the latest transgender orthodoxy.

For all the administration’s talk about putting science first, on Biden’s first day in office, he signed an executive order on “Preventing and Combating Discrimination on the Basis of Gender Identity or Sexual Orientation.” Fighting discrimination sounds great. But, as Shrier writes in the Wall Street Journal, the order means that virtually every public high school “must either allow biological boys who self-identify as girls onto girls’ sports teams or face administrative action from the Education Department.” Biology be damned.

Sometimes, scientists themselves succumb to the temptation to put advocacy ahead of accuracy. For over 30 years, a few climate scientists have sought prominent roles in the political debate over global warming. There’s nothing wrong with scientists talking to the public. But when they appear to be finessing their research in order to bolster their advocacy, science and advocacy both suffer. In one famous case, a batch of leaked emails showed several leading climate scientists discussing techniques to massage contradictory data. They seemed to be looking for a way to make a messy story appear simpler to the public. As John Tierney wrote in the New York Times at the time, the scientists “seem so focused on winning the public-relations war that they exaggerate their certitude—and ultimately undermine their own cause.” Blogger and law professor Glenn Reynolds calls this phenomenon “the suicide of expertise.”

Public trust, once squandered, is hard to restore. In the early months of the COVID-19 pandemic, polls showed widespread support for masks and lockdowns. People thought they were following the science. Then came the summer BLM protests. Suddenly, health officials started sounding positively blasé about the risks of thousands of strangers shouting together for hours. A group of over 1,200 health experts signed an open letter encouraging the protests, saying, “White supremacy is a lethal public health issue.” Millions of Americans got the message: People expressing the correct political opinions get a pass from COVID restrictions. Support for even reasonable precautions collapsed in many parts of the country.

Read the whole thing.

Related: From America’s Newspaper of Record: Democrats Vow To Follow The Science Of Whichever Union Donates The Most Money.

ROGER KIMBALL: New York Times Shows Need for ‘Reality Czar.’

We saw it with the paper’s hysterical coverage of the Covington Catholic High School teens, their reporting about Brett Kavanaugh’s accusers, and last year’s biggest fantasy, the 1619 Project.

At first, the Times said that the 1619 Project was was a “major initiative” to “reframe” the understanding of American history.

America, the authors of the 1619 Project asserted, was founded as a “slavocracy,” the American Revolution was fought principally to preserve the institution of slavery, and 1619, when a ship bearing slaves arrived in Virginia, was “our true founding.”

Virtually every substantive claim in the 1619 Project was refuted by historians. The Times silently altered some of the more egregious errors, but again the damage had been done.

So maybe the Times is right and we do need a “reality czar” and a coordinated task force to police “misinformation.”

But the focus of the efforts should not be on people expressing differing opinions about the integrity of the 2020 election or the best way to respond to the CCP virus.

It should be on the machinations of that vast engine for the production of politicized misinformation, The New York Times.

Or as America’s real Newspaper of Record put it: Ignorant Senator Shares New York Times Article Thinking It’s Real.

THE BABYLON BEE, AMERICA’S PAPER OF RECORD:  Ignorant Senator Shares New York Times Article Thinking It’s Real.

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: People Who Moved To Texas From California Finally Feeling At Home Now That Power Is Out.


Governor Cuomo’s top aide privately apologized to Democratic lawmakers for withholding the state’s nursing-home death toll from COVID-19 — telling them “we froze” out of fear the true numbers would “be used against us” by federal prosecutors, The Post has learned.

The stunning admission of a cover-up was made by Secretary to the Governor Melissa DeRosa during a video conference call with state Democratic leaders in which she said the Cuomo administration had rebuffed a legislative request for the tally in August because “right around the same time, [then-President Donald Trump] turns this into a giant political football,” according to an audio recording of the two-hour-plus meeting.

“He starts tweeting that we killed everyone in nursing homes,” DeRosa said. “He starts going after [New Jersey Gov. Phil] Murphy, starts going after [California Gov. Gavin] Newsom, starts going after [Michigan Gov.] Gretchen Whitmer.”

In addition to attacking Cuomo’s fellow Democratic governors, DeRosa said, Trump “directs the Department of Justice to do an investigation into us.”

“And basically, we froze,” she told the lawmakers on the call.

“Gotta hand it to Cuomo, ‘I covered up thousands of deaths to fight fascism’ is bold. But hey, extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures right?”, one wag noted on Twitter.

Meanwhile, there is pouncing and seizing spotted by the DNC-MSM:

● Politico: Republicans Pounce! “Nearly every top Republican in the state pounced on the Post’s report, subjecting Cuomo to a barrage of criticism arguably unparalleled at any point during his decade in office.”

● The New York Times: “Condemnation was even louder from Republicans, who have seized on Mr. Cuomo’s performance on nursing homes — where more than 10,000 New Yorkers have died during the pandemic, but the state long stalled on releasing full data — as evidence of duplicity or even criminality.”

As Jim Treacher likes to say, “When Republicans screw up, that’s the story. When Democrats screw up, the Republicans’ reaction is the story.”

And speaking of screwing up:

However, Ed Morrissey asks: Are New York Democrats bailing out on Cuomo?

When only Republicans criticize a cover-up in a scandal involving thousands of deaths, the media can slough it off as pouncing. When Democrats join them in slamming Andrew Cuomo for his “betrayal,” suddenly it looks less like pouncing and more like a serious existential crisis. And that might very well be what Cuomo will shortly face:

Faster, please.

Flashback: America’s Newspaper of Record last May: CNN Praises Governor Cuomo For Killing Off The Elderly Since They Probably Would Have Voted For Trump.

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Star Wars Fans Threatened By Strong, Independent, Free-Thinking Woman.

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Op-Ed: Today’s Youth Simply Don’t Have The Work Ethic To Build The Gulags Needed For Their Communist Ideals.

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Ilhan Omar Accused Of Appropriating Alabama Culture By Marrying Relative.

21ST CENTURY SPORTS: High School Runner Not Feeling Great About Her Chances Against The Girl With The Beard.

GOT WOKE, WENT BROKE: Super Bowl Falls to Lowest TV Viewership in 15 Years. The lede on this Front Office Sports article is a classic:

The puzzling drop in sports TV viewership continues with the Super Bowl falling to its lowest numbers in 15 years.

It’s a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma; but perhaps there is a key.

UPDATE (FROM GLENN): As America’s Newspaper of Record put it: Conservatives Sit Down For A Relaxing Evening Of Being Insulted By Every Major Corporation In America.

YOU’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER BLOG: The Three Worst Things About That Terrible Jeep Super Bowl Ad.

How could a major corporation not see how propagandistic it comes off to suggest that when Republicans win a national election, that’s divisive, but when Democrats win one, that’s unifying? The corporate-approved approach is to paper over disagreement while Democrats hold power while amplifying a full-on #Resistance when Republicans are in power.

Jeep sales will not heal the fabric of the country. Jeep ads can’t even help toward that goal so long as they are using dishonest and manipulative partisan framing in service of car sales.

Read the whole thing. Springsteen’s ad will alienate Jeep with red state car buyers*, but it will place its creator in the pole position to win a Clio. Apparently, that’s far more important for Jeep. Or as America’s Newspaper of Record put it: Conservatives Sit Down For A Relaxing Evening Of Being Insulted By Every Major Corporation In America.

* And many buyers who belong to the party that preaches tolerance for diversity, since they consider the 75 million or so people who voted for Trump to be various shades of evil. (Just ask leading LA Times columnists.)

NOT THE BABYLON BEE: Texas University Tells Students: Wear Masks During Masturbation.

“Unexpectedly,” it has since quickly come and gone: University of North Texas mum on removal of ‘Mask-urbate’ tweet on safe sex during COVID.

TROLL LEVEL: GALACTIC OVERLORD. WHICH MAKES SENSE, I GUESS. Elon Musk just trolled The Onion by replying to them on Twitter with a plug for The Babylon Bee.

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Innovative Marketing Geniuses Consider Running A Super Bowl Ad About Social Justice.

Related: Watch Bruce Springsteen’s First Ad Ever, for Super Bowl Commercial, Calling for ‘Unity.’

Interesting choice of a unity-oriented pitchman:


Of course, this is yet another reminder that we the home viewers aren’t the target audience for blockbuster Super Bowl ads — they’re there to win Clios and pad their directors’ demo reels.

UPDATE: James Lileks adds:

A few [of the Super Bowl commercials] were silly and light, but the overall impression was somber, dour, downbeat, with unconvincing assurances that everything would be fine and we were all in this together and we would come out okay. Here’s Bruce Springsteen looking haunted as he drives around the storyboards for Cormac McCarthy’s “The Road,” ending up at a church, where he lights a candle to pray for American reunification, and oh yes please buy a Jeep.

At the end I was not moved by his pleas, and more concerned that he lit a candle in a deserted church made of wood, and then left without blowing it out. Was that wise? Did the church burn down? Does it matter? A celebrity wants us to come together, and did so with his trademark croak of pained sincerity, and since we know he is the friend and bard of the Common Man, it doesn’t matter if a specific church burns down. It was a lovely gesture.

Plus some thoughts on the bizarre halftime show: “Last year: EMPOWERMENT AND SEX AND SEX EMPOWERMENT! This year: faceless people moving in mass to choreographed steps, then dissolving into random panic. There was something wrong about it, like some dank gas blown up through a fissure, filling balloons that looked like the humans who populate the shadows of a nightmare.”

More: Reddit Ad Runs Five Seconds, But Makes Its Point Against Wall Street And Robinhood.

Give Robinhood credit for having the chutzpah to advertise on the Super Bowl after its GameStop debacle: Robinhood’s very bad Super Bowl ad made some people real mad.

ROGER KIMBALL: These Interesting Times. From a torrent of executive orders to federal law enforcement agents acting like East Germans, the satirists are having a hard time keeping up.

Though America’s Newspaper of Record is still (slightly) ahead of the game:


Time published a story that provides absolutely astonishing details and framing of activities that took place around the 2020 election. As readers, you deserve a detailed analysis of this story and the people and organizations involved. The recounting of the story in Time is longer than a chapter in many novels. Time says additional details will be provided in a series of articles over the next several days. This article is an introduction.

The title is provocative enough. “The Secret History of the Shadow Campaign That Saved the 2020 Election.” The story goes on to describe in precise detail a coalition of various powerful special interest groups that united, beginning a year before the election, to ensure Joe Biden would win.

In accordance with the prophesy:


NOT THE BABYLON BEE: Toronto Sketch Troupe Cancels Self. “When that failed to solve racism in the Great White North, The Sketchersons took extreme measures. The long-running Canadian group canceled itself before the woke mob could do it for them.”

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: In Effort To Shake Off Abuse Allegations, Marilyn Manson Runs For Office As A Democrat.

IT’S THE BABYLON BEE’S WORLD. WE’RE JUST LIVING IN IT: NYT Writer Suggests Biden Government Appoint A ‘Reality Czar.’

Related: All hail the ‘reality czar!’ Another great proposal from the New York Times.

WHY? MARK ZUCKERBERG AND JACK DORSEY MULTITASK:  Jeff Bezos Announces He Will Step Down From Amazon To Focus On Being A Bond Villain.

And also, d*mn it, bee!

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Jeff Bezos Announces He Will Step Down From Amazon To Focus On Being A Bond Villain.


Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is no stranger to attention. The second-term congresswoman was the second most talked-about politician in 2019, just behind then-President Donald Trump. AOC loves to frequently jump on livestream videos to talk directly to her fans and voters, whether while she’s making macaroni, building furniture, or playing a wildly popular multiplayer game. It was during one of these Instagram livestreams on Monday night that she committed perhaps her gravest sin yet as a politician.

AOC, who has somehow not yet dried the well of public sympathy for the January 6 storming of the Capitol, linked the experience to an alleged sexual assault she suffered in the past:

‘The reason I’m getting emotional in this moment is because these folks who tell us to move on, that it’s not a big deal, that we should forget what’s happened, or even telling us to apologize — these are the same tactics of abusers. And I’m a survivor of sexual assault and I haven’t told many people that in my life, but when we go through trauma, trauma compounds on each other.’

This is gross manipulation, and AOC should be ashamed. Not for sharing that she was sexually assaulted — I have no way of knowing whether or not her story is true and, ultimately, it’s irrelevant to the issue of the storming of the Capitol. The real story here is that AOC used her alleged trauma as a cudgel against her political opponents. She has weaponized her alleged experience to silence anyone who criticizes her and even went so far as to compare them to the person or people who abused her. This type of behavior cheapens sexual assault.

Meanwhile, Jim Treacher demands that: The Capitol Police Must Investigate the Officer Who Allegedly Threatened AOC.

During the riot at the Capitol Building on January 6, a Capitol Police officer named Brian Sicknick was murdered. His killer remains at large. Dozens of other officers were injured, some seriously. One officer, Eugene Goodman, led rioters away from Mike Pence as they chanted “Hang Mike Pence.” Two other officers have subsequently committed suicide. The Capitol Police put their bodies on the line that day, and without them the riot would’ve been even worse. But more importantly, one of those officers really scared Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and she told the world about it last night on Instagram Live.

But leave it to America’s Newspaper of Record to blow the lid off this story: AOC Claims Two Men In MAGA Hats Threw Economics Textbooks At Her.

Now it all makes sense.

NOT THE BABYLON BEE: Adam Ford explains the whole GameStop, Robinhood, WallStreetBets, Elon Musk, Dave Portnoy situation (video).

NOT THE BABYLON BEE: LA County Bans Televisions in Outdoor Dining Spaces in New COVID Safety Rules. “It’s obvious the Health Department wants to stop people from watching the Super Bowl outdoors at sports bars/restaurants, so they are now going to force people to watch it indoors with private home gatherings by taking the outdoor option away. Absolutely brilliant”…

I’M STARTING A WAR FOR PEACE: Black Lives Matter movement nominated for Nobel peace prize.

In accordance with the prophesy:

(Classical reference in headline.)

SOMETIMES THE BEE ISN’T PROPHECY:  Breaking: Health Officials Quarantine Portland To Prevent Spread Of Communism.

But we do wonder why it wasn’t done.

WHO KNEW? N.Y. Severely Undercounted Virus Deaths in Nursing Homes, Report Says. The state attorney general, Letitia James, said the Cuomo administration likely omitted thousands of Covid-19 deaths of nursing home residents. “The New York State attorney general accused the Cuomo administration of undercounting coronavirus-related deaths at nursing homes by as much as 50 percent, according to a report released on Thursday.”

The Gray Lady will report no news before its time. But at least their readers are finally seeing this headline. Or as Iowahawk tweets, “Subscribe to the New York Times and get last July’s news today.”

Meanwhile, another Babylon Bee prophesy comes true:

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Biden All-Female Communications Team Won’t Tell Nation What’s Wrong, Nation Should Already Know.

ANALYSIS: TRUE. GameStop rally is warning that market bubbles have gone mad.

GameStop is a video game retailer that has been priced at about $3 to $10 a share for much of the year. But in the past few days, individual investors have driven the share price above $300.

Many of these buyers are using Robinhood, an app that lets anyone trade stocks without a commission. Because of the pandemic, people have plenty of time on their hands, and are looking to make cash, and it’s fueled a spectacular rise in individual day trading.

Why are they buying ­GameStop? Well, some of the commentators on ­“WallStreetBets,” the Reddit ­message board driving the frenzy, believe it’s a good company.

But mostly they’re out to hurt the big guys.

Hedge funds love shorting stocks, a trading technique where you make money when stock prices go down. Companies often go belly up amid short selling “bear raids.” That’s why small investors hate hedge funds so much.

When word spread among Robinhood traders that GameStop was heavily shorted by the big guys, the tables were turned into a bull raid. They drove up the price, and all those bets that GameStop would decline in value failed. A “short squeeze” was on at a level sophisticated market players hadn’t seen in years.

At least one big hedge fund, Melvin Capital, needed a bailout as prices of GameStop spiked a gazillion percent in a matter of days. My trading sources say there will likely be other big players seeking money to stay alive.

Delicious, right? For those who think — not unwarrantedly — that the market is rigged against them, the Robinhood revolt is a wonderful bit of schadenfreude.

But nothing has changed about GameStop’s business. It’s still primarily a brick-and-mortar retailer in an electronic world. It’s certainly not worth $300 a share. So while Robinhood buyers who got in early made a good bit of money — at least on paper — the bubble will eventually burst, and the shares will likely fall back to earth again.

The problem is that GameStop isn’t the only stock this is happening to. Blackberry, makers of the handheld device you no longer use, and AMC, owners of movie theaters you no longer go to, are also looking like Apple on steroids.

Iowahawk has seen the future, and knows how this will end:

Old and busted: partying like it’s 1999.

The new hotness? Partying like it’s 1985!

Related: Discord bans the r/WallStreetBets server.

More: Hot take: What’s the overlap between the Nazis trading GameStop stocks and the ones who stormed the Capitol?

Glad to see that blue checks are getting their takes on Wall Street from the latest season of Babylon Berlin.

Earlier: The Gamestop ($GME) Saga.

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Triple-Masker Looks Down On People Who Only Double Mask.


Shot: Walter Bernstein, Celebrated Screenwriter, Is Dead at 101. His movies included “Fail Safe,” “Paris Blues” and, perhaps most notably, “The Front,” based on his own experience of being blacklisted:

Mr. Bernstein and other blacklisted writers were forced to work under assumed names for sympathetic filmmakers like Sidney Lumet, who used Mr. Bernstein, now back in New York, throughout the ’50s on “You Are There,” the CBS program hosted by Walter Cronkite that re-enacted great moments in history.

It was during this period that Mr. Bernstein and his colleagues, notably the writers Abraham Polonsky and Arnold Manoff, began the ruse of protecting their anonymity by sending stand-ins to represent them at meetings with producers, a ploy later dramatized in “The Front.” (In addition to Mr. Allen, the movie starred Zero Mostel, who, like the film’s director, Mr. Ritt, had also been blacklisted.)

“Suddenly, the blacklist had achieved for the writer what he had previously only aspired to,” Mr. Bernstein joked in “Inside Out.” “He was considered necessary.”

—The New York Times, yesterday.

Chaser: New York Times Reportedly Cancels Contract of Editor Who Tweeted Having ‘Chills’ on Biden Inauguration Day.

Mediaite, Friday.

In accordance with the prophesy:

UPDATE: You may not be interested in cancel culture — but cancel culture is interested in you:

Or is this a case of the Gray Lady using cancel culture to provide cover while firing someone for other reasons?

MORE: NYT Rebukes Claims That Editor Was Fired Over ‘Single Tweet:’

The Times is now saying her tweet about Joe Biden was not the cause for her termination.

“There’s a lot of inaccurate information circulating on Twitter,” a Times representative said. “For privacy reasons we don’t get into the details of personnel matters but we can say that we didn’t end someone’s employment over a single tweet.  Out of respect for the individuals involved we don’t plan to comment further.”

“Developing,” as they say.

(Updated and bumped.)

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Biden Tells Freezing Troops Sleeping In Garages To Be Patient Until He Can Get Them Shipped To Iraq.

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Biden Sees Own Shadow, Predicting Just Six Weeks Of Being President.

COCKBURN: The terrifying scourge of ‘multiracial whiteness.’ The Washington Post reveals why so many ‘white supremacists’ are in fact not white. It’s scary:

It’s hard being a pundit these days. Not only does steadily advancing groupthink and fear of cancellation increasingly force you to copy the same takes as everybody else, but frequently those views are very dumb.

Take the riot at the Capitol. Some minatory cabal of Twitter, Facebook, Google, the Bilderberg Group, FEMA and the Jesuits has issued its secret decree to all news outlets: the rampage through the halls of Congress was the work of dastardly white supremacists! And the outlets oblige.

AP: ‘Years of white supremacy threats culminated in Capitol riots.’

Vox: ‘The Capitol riot is a reminder of the links between police and white supremacy

New York Times: ‘America in 2021: Racial Progress in the South, a White Mob in the Capitol

CNN: ‘The Capitol insurrection could be a bigger racial reckoning than the George Floyd protests

New Yorker: ‘The Bitter Fruits of Trump’s White-Power Presidency’

OK, OK, we get the point.

But there’s a small problem. Somehow, on their way to launching a neo-fascist takeover of the United States, the white supremacists ran out of whites.

Read the whole thing, and then check out David Thompson, who frames the Post’s article thusly: Hush Now, Brown Person, I’ll Do The Talking.

Well, here’s a thing. It turns out that “white supremacy” is surprisingly diverse. Or, as the Washington Post’s headline puts it,

To Understand Trump’s support, we must think in terms of multiracial Whiteness.

The author of what follows, Ms Cristina Beltrán, is “an associate professor of social and cultural analysis at New York University.” Her areas of expertise are needless to say sweeping and numerous, extending from “feminist theory” to “Latinx, and race & gender politic,” because “Latinx” and “politic” is how we do things now. Being a leftist academic, Ms Beltrán is of course mystified by the existence of non-white Trump supporters and, by extension, non-white people who dare to deviate from her own leftist assumptions. And so, inevitably, contortions ensue:

Including this one by Beltrán:

Multiracial whiteness promises Latino Trump supporters freedom from the politics of diversity and recognition. For voters who see the very act of acknowledging one’s racial identity as itself racist, the politics of multiracial whiteness reinforces their desired approach to color-blind individualism.

That’s…quite a sentence for the Post to publish on the weekend before Martin Luther King Day. And thus, another Babylon Bee prophecy comes true: Far-Right Extremist Suggests Treating People Of All Races Equally.

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Far-Right Extremist Suggests Treating People Of All Races Equally.

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: After Capitol Riots, Sesame Street Pulls All Episodes Featuring The Letter ‘Q.’